1. Posted: February 13, 2013In:

    After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.

    katiefracas

    Thanks Kriss! I agree, simply unravel the truth is better and sharper. "After her boyfriend is taken hostage in a botched drug heist, an insecure gangland girl is forced to unravel the truth to get him out alive" My only question is whether it's clear enough that she is working on understanding exacRead more

    Thanks Kriss!

    I agree, simply unravel the truth is better and sharper.

    “After her boyfriend is taken hostage in a botched drug heist, an insecure gangland girl is forced to unravel the truth to get him out alive”

    My only question is whether it’s clear enough that she is working on understanding exactly what went down with this heist in order to get him freed… I don’t want to add words but do I really need to say:

    “After her boyfriend is taken hostage in a botched drug heist, an insecure gangland girl is forced to unravel the truth behind what went down in order to get him out alive”

    Thank you both so much for your help!

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  2. Posted: February 13, 2013In:

    After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.

    katiefracas

    Its a shifting antagonist ... looks like its the gang that took her boyfriend, turns out the boyfriend planned it all... do you want to see that detail in the logline?

    Its a shifting antagonist … looks like its the gang that took her boyfriend, turns out the boyfriend planned it all… do you want to see that detail in the logline?

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  3. Posted: February 13, 2013In:

    After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.

    katiefracas

    Richiev, I totally agree - it feels unnatural and forced. You are gold on this site! How do you like the below? When her boyfriend is taken in botched drug heist his insecure gangland girl is forced to unravel the truth from the lies in her attempt to get him out alive.

    Richiev,

    I totally agree – it feels unnatural and forced. You are gold on this site! How do you like the below?

    When her boyfriend is taken in botched drug heist his insecure gangland girl is forced to unravel the truth from the lies in her attempt to get him out alive.

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