dpg, does this new tweak offer sufficient sizzle?

“Two childhood sweethearts follow different paths: she becomes the charismatic leader of a notorious armed robbery gang about to face the firing squad and he is the devout priest offering last rites and confession and she needs him to help them escape.”

OR

“The charismatic leader of a notorious armed robbery gang about to face the firing squad must convince her childhood sweetheart – the devout priest offering last rites and confession ? to help the gang escape.”

Sorry Tony, but I can tell you’ve skipped a large section of the thread. Logline revisions have been posted on the thread more recently. So you can either read through and follow the developing thoughtline or I can just cut to the chase, in which case:

“Members of a notorious armed robbery gang about to face the firing squad look back and tell of life struggling under poverty and oppression and the charismatic woman who led them to a life of mayhem, murder and easy money.”

This revision derives from my need for a logline that’s an accurate description of the screenplay. And, not caring whether or not it ‘sizzles’ or is plotted in kingly fashion. Having said that, it could still be improved.

It’s a multiple protagonist narrative so the gang is the main character and the goal is psychological: looking back to the past in the face of imminent death in search of meaning or understanding of their journey through life.

dpg provided a Samuel Johnson quote that underlines this: paraphrasing – imminent death has a wonderful way of concentrating the mind.

I think it’s safe to say hardly anyone one commenting on this thread is enthused by this approach which is OK since they won’t have to share in the labour of making it into a film or pay to see it when it’s done (ha ha).