1. Posted: November 6, 2013In:

    Faced with the prospect of being forced into early retirement, a tough female detective agrees to one last big case. Her commitment to the force is questioned when she starts to fall in love with her mark.

    kjk11

    Shouldn't be "a last big case" if she's trying to avoid early retirement. Also "mark" suggests sucker, maybe suspect or perp would be better. Just some thoughts. Kerry

    Shouldn’t be “a last big case” if she’s trying to avoid early retirement. Also “mark” suggests sucker, maybe suspect or perp would be better. Just some thoughts. Kerry

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  2. Posted: October 31, 2013In:

    In a future city where women are bought and sold, the last married man on Earth takes on the city?s annual, gladiatorial game to win the ultimate grand prize: his wife.

    kjk11

    Great suggestion above. I would just change "takes on " to: enters.

    Great suggestion above. I would just change “takes on ” to: enters.

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  3. Posted: September 19, 2013In:

    When a family father visits a prison to volunteer as a dentist an inmate steals his identity. Now the dentist has to get out and stop the killer before he murders his family. /Matilda

    kjk11

    How about shortening you logline with something like: A dentist must first escape prison if he is to save his family from a convicted killer who has stolen his identity. Great concept. Good luck.

    How about shortening you logline with something like: A dentist must first escape prison if he is to save his family from a convicted killer who has stolen his identity.

    Great concept. Good luck.

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