1. Posted: September 18, 2013In:

    A young woman must find a way to take down the sinister organization responsible for her sister's murder and their plans to control a future, dystopian society.

    kjk11

    When a young woman's sister is murdered she must first stop a sinister organization's plot to create a, dystopian society before she can get revenge. Just an alternate idea. Sounds like a great premise. Regards kjkorberg@gmail.com

    When a young woman’s sister is murdered she must first stop a sinister organization’s plot to create a, dystopian society before she can get revenge. Just an alternate idea. Sounds like a great premise.

    Regards kjkorberg@gmail.com

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  2. Posted: September 18, 2013In:

    After finding his wife dead in her art studio, a man must unravel a conspiracy of international art forgery, involving the woman he thought he knew, before he and his son are murdered too.

    kjk11

    Good inciting incident. Could antagonist be identified a little more? Should "women" be woman? Overall very intriguing and hits all essential elements in a concise manner. Is there a script to read yet? kjkorberg@gmail.com

    Good inciting incident. Could antagonist be identified a little more? Should “women” be woman? Overall very intriguing and hits all essential elements in a concise manner. Is there a script to read yet? kjkorberg@gmail.com

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  3. Posted: September 16, 2013In:

    An amateur conwoman attempts to manipulate a paranoid ex-con into getting rid of the landlord who's blackmailing her. But as his illness deepens can either of them trust anyone?

    kjk11

    Could you shorten to one sentence and define the illness and who has it.

    Could you shorten to one sentence and define the illness and who has it.

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