1. Posted: July 26, 2016In:

    After she’s betrayed doing a one time mission for the government, a broke data smuggler must decode the data packet encrypted in her brain to use as a bargaining chip for her life.

    Knightrider Mentor

    Also because encrypted you don't know what you have in your own head.

    Also because encrypted you don’t know what you have in your own head.

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  2. Posted: July 23, 2016In:

    Gault, an ageing Ulster policeman, is wrongly accused of the death of a colleague. The British State conspires against him to protect an agent. The love of his life saves him.

    Knightrider Mentor

    Agreed with the above, don't need name and story feels like I know it already, so as above mentioned need a hook. Now, if the woman he was sleeping with was also investigating him then have an extra layer of tension and conflict. Or maybe the person murdered was a lover and this is a hate crime andRead more

    Agreed with the above, don’t need name and story feels like I know it already, so as above mentioned need a hook.

    Now, if the woman he was sleeping with was also investigating him then have an extra layer of tension and conflict.

    Or maybe the person murdered was a lover and this is a hate crime and what may prove his innocence may also lead to his alienation.

    It has potential, just need that twist: that something that takes this from something we’ve all seen to something we must see.

    Having said that: Nothing can beat passion, if this is a story you know and are passionate about write it.

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  3. Posted: July 5, 2016In:

    A con-artist uses a spy?s stolen dummy credit card to repay a debt, but, when it disables every online banking system in the world, together they must trace the virus to its source before it disappears.

    Best Answer
    Knightrider Mentor

    I like the start, but in a strange way I then think the premise gets sidetracked. It almost feels like two different stories. It feels like it should either become a mistaken identity story, whereby as he used the card those after the real spy, but have no idea what he looks like, come for this guyRead more

    I like the start, but in a strange way I then think the premise gets sidetracked. It almost feels like two different stories. It feels like it should either become a mistaken identity story, whereby as he used the card those after the real spy, but have no idea what he looks like, come for this guy or he starts using it to live the spy lifestyle, only to be caught up in a real plot.

    The premise could work, as I assume the dummy card is actually a government device to be used on the real spy’s mission, which is meant to be abroad so when he uses it, will bring down the system. Now the spy not wanting to admit his mistake teams up with the person who stole it to disable the virus before it reaches it’s activation point (Which could be a spread level) I guess, for me, your current one feels disjointed however I think with some focus on why these characters would work together then it’ll work for the bigger picture.

    Hope that makes sense

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