1. Posted: September 8, 2016In:

    When an orphan turned assassin in training disobeys killing her target, she is thrown into the lower ranks of the Assassin’s Guild, working as a servant, trying to work her way up only to discover her parents? killer walking the hallways and finding a record that showed her village?s demise was paid-for, not random and now she must find out the reason why her village was a target, and more importantly, who was responsible for it.

    Best Answer
    Knightrider Mentor

    Hi, it does seem a little long and clunky. Recluse has done a pretty good job and making it a tighter logline.

    Hi, it does seem a little long and clunky. Recluse has done a pretty good job and making it a tighter logline.

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  2. Posted: July 27, 2016In:

    When he invents inter-dimensional video messaging, a friendless whiz kid hides his discovery from his loud and obnoxious adult colleagues to develop a friendship with an alien delinquent in peace (and quiet).

    Knightrider Mentor

    The idea is almost there, but does need something that will bring it out and make it truly different from ET. Seeing as inter-dimensional, would it work being parallel universe, where maybe he befriends an alternate version of himself who has everything, but is wasting potential.

    The idea is almost there, but does need something that will bring it out and make it truly different from ET. Seeing as inter-dimensional, would it work being parallel universe, where maybe he befriends an alternate version of himself who has everything, but is wasting potential.

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  3. Posted: July 26, 2016In:

    After she’s betrayed doing a one time mission for the government, a broke data smuggler must decode the data packet encrypted in her brain to use as a bargaining chip for her life.

    Knightrider Mentor

    I would say she took the one off job as she is broke, and the want is to get what's in her head out so can bargain it for her life and maybe a bit of cash. The smuggler being the focus is fine that's who I would like to focus the story on

    I would say she took the one off job as she is broke, and the want is to get what’s in her head out so can bargain it for her life and maybe a bit of cash.

    The smuggler being the focus is fine that’s who I would like to focus the story on

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