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Seeing her father assassinated, Princess escapes to search the land for her exiled mother to learn the djinn arts to take revenge and save her people.?
It's short, has everything you need. If I were to nitpick, maybe (and like I say only nitpicking, so I wouldn't worry too much) I would tweak the line a little bit, so that she must defeat this person before this person becomes king etc, basically a way of upping the stakes EG she'll lose the kingdoRead more
It’s short, has everything you need. If I were to nitpick, maybe (and like I say only nitpicking, so I wouldn’t worry too much) I would tweak the line a little bit, so that she must defeat this person before this person becomes king etc, basically a way of upping the stakes EG she’ll lose the kingdom if she cannot defeat this person, but she must also challenge him with a certain amount of time.
However that is nitpicking, as I can see the beginning, middle and end of this story, which if you do that in a logline, you’re winning the battle
See lessAn aspiring horror filmmaker stumbles upon and films a fairy-tale copy-cat murder, but when no charges are pressed, he must try to stop another murder.
For me, I get a little lost when you mention he films a murder, but yet there are no charges? Even with a very corrupt justice system, you'd at least expect a charge if they were caught on camera. Granted, they may still get off, but I am left wondering why being caught on camera you can escape a muRead more
For me, I get a little lost when you mention he films a murder, but yet there are no charges? Even with a very corrupt justice system, you’d at least expect a charge if they were caught on camera. Granted, they may still get off, but I am left wondering why being caught on camera you can escape a murder charge.
See lessAn amnesiac woman and her son reconstruct the past 15 years of her life, unaware of a murder investigation closing in on her.
Yep, the story does lack an inciting incident. Why are they doing this? Because she is a amnesiac, but then maybe phrase it like "When she suffers amnesia..." Also, I am not sure who the Protagonist is, the subplot of an investigation hints there may even be a Detective Character as well. It isn't bRead more
Yep, the story does lack an inciting incident. Why are they doing this? Because she is a amnesiac, but then maybe phrase it like “When she suffers amnesia…” Also, I am not sure who the Protagonist is, the subplot of an investigation hints there may even be a Detective Character as well.
It isn’t bad, in fact someone suffering from amnesia uncovering their past, only to discover they are a killer is a unique way to tell a whodunit story, and will tie into themes about what makes us who we are, do they start becoming the killer they once were the more they learn about the person they are etc.
Loglines are tough, but keep going with them. Heck if though I have done a few, I still get them wrong.
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