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Chad Tully, a college dropout turn travel agent living in Manhattan, receives news that his family’s property in the Outback of Australia is facing foreclosure. So, when Jerry Hampton, an ageing reality TV star comes in to plan a vacation, Chad books him into his family’s dilapidated property, passing it off as a five-star resort, hoping he will invest, saving the property.
Agreed with the above, it isn't great that he'll lose the family home, but if he does, as an audience, we kinda say "So what?" As mentioned he needs stakes he can't just lose it, he has lose everything if he does, what is on the line if he loses the house? His life, his attachment to his family, theRead more
Agreed with the above, it isn’t great that he’ll lose the family home, but if he does, as an audience, we kinda say “So what?” As mentioned he needs stakes he can’t just lose it, he has lose everything if he does, what is on the line if he loses the house? His life, his attachment to his family, the one connection to his parents or maybe he borrowed money from the mob to do it up, but gambled it away and now they want it back.
Maybe his parents are alive and on a years holiday, in that time the house has become a ruin and now his parents are coming home, so he needs a plan and quick… Get a long term renter to stay etc.
That last bit also gives you a ticking clock, which is always a bonus in a logline.
Anyways, the parts are there I can see a beginning, middle and end etc, it is wordy and lacks stakes, so overall good effort.
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I get more of a sense of a Designing Principle vibe from this, rather than a logline. It is missing a Protagonist and a clear goal. Generally even in team or group movies there is a character that is the protagonist who we track the arc of change. E.G. Avengers Age of Ultron Tony Stark arrogantly beRead more
I get more of a sense of a Designing Principle vibe from this, rather than a logline. It is missing a Protagonist and a clear goal. Generally even in team or group movies there is a character that is the protagonist who we track the arc of change.
E.G. Avengers Age of Ultron Tony Stark arrogantly believes he can single handily solve the worlds problems driven by his fear of invasion, by the end he is saying they’ll defend the Earth together.
So, focus on the character that will go through a change, and will represent theme to some degree. Then go from there, for example, When her team are coerced into committing an act of treason, an insecure ?prison guard must regain her confidence and lead her team in stopping an attack they inadvertently put in motion.
That might be a little long, but it has a defined goal and a character. Hope that helps.
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I like Nir's version and relates to my point, by adding "... save the people" you not only get increased stakes, but a worthy goal as well.
I like Nir’s version and relates to my point, by adding “… save the people” you not only get increased stakes, but a worthy goal as well.
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