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After giving nourishment and shelter to a wounded, fugitive vampire, a love-struck yet timid teen joins her quest: to assassinate her Sire before he starts a vampiric civil war.
My first impression is simply we don't know enough about the lead. Who is he? What are his weaknesses? Why is this going to be difficult for him to overcome? I wouldn't bother saying 'bright future' unless this is relevant to the plot. Ie: What he stands to lose if he should fail. I don't feel thatRead more
My first impression is simply we don’t know enough about the lead. Who is he? What are his weaknesses? Why is this going to be difficult for him to overcome?
I wouldn’t bother saying ‘bright future’ unless this is relevant to the plot. Ie: What he stands to lose if he should fail. I don’t feel that this logline gives the reader enough to make them connect or understand the guy or the girl.
See lessWhen a vindictive cyber terrorist is fatally wounded, an arrogant gamer must complete a video game built using the suspect’s mind to retrieve stolen nuclear codes before they die.
Yes, this reads a little clunky. But I find the idea of a video game built out of somebody's mind in order to penetrate it to find a secret really fascinating. Good luck with this story.
Yes, this reads a little clunky. But I find the idea of a video game built out of somebody’s mind in order to penetrate it to find a secret really fascinating. Good luck with this story.
See lessIn order to acquire funding for their passion project, a group of pretentious film students must survive the night in a haunted house.
I don't think the threat is real enough. At this stage, the students could spend the night in the haunted house, sleep soundly, get up, and have jam and toast for breakfast.? Who is the antagonist, and why should we fear him/her/it?
I don’t think the threat is real enough. At this stage, the students could spend the night in the haunted house, sleep soundly, get up, and have jam and toast for breakfast.? Who is the antagonist, and why should we fear him/her/it?
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