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A former lone wolf blackwater operative is forced back with his team to stop a terrorist organization from getting a mythological artifact that could destroyed the planet.
It took me a few seconds to grasp this logline with the phrase 'forced back'. I read as meaning 'forced to back away from'. As in 'they were forced back from the exploding car".? Also, if they are 'forced back' as in 'forced to return' then there are even more questions. Forced back from where, to wRead more
It took me a few seconds to grasp this logline with the phrase ‘forced back’. I read as meaning ‘forced to back away from’. As in ‘they were forced back from the exploding car”.? Also, if they are ‘forced back’ as in ‘forced to return’ then there are even more questions. Forced back from where, to where and by whom. Maybe consider rephrasing this part.
See lessAfter recruitment, a DSA agent takes on the toughest cases that are thrown at her, while trying to maintain a relationship with her handsome, yet computer-nerd boyfriend.
I think this logline lacks details. It would be more powerful if we knew exactly what kind of tough case she is dealing with, and what specifically is causing the strain on her relationship.? Ideally, it would be great if these two things were also related.
I think this logline lacks details. It would be more powerful if we knew exactly what kind of tough case she is dealing with, and what specifically is causing the strain on her relationship.? Ideally, it would be great if these two things were also related.
See lessAfter losing her partner in dance competition and being stuck in physical therapy for her injuries, the girl must find another partner to win the upcoming competition in which her coach suggested a perfectly skilled street fighter with no dance experience.
Okay, so there a few things odd here. The first sentence confused me. What do you mean 'lost'? Did he die? Did he go out for a smoke and couldn't find the door back in? Also, what on earth happened to her to give her injuries? As someone else said, this sounds like un-necessary backstory, and at thiRead more
Okay, so there a few things odd here.
The first sentence confused me. What do you mean ‘lost’? Did he die? Did he go out for a smoke and couldn’t find the door back in? Also, what on earth happened to her to give her injuries? As someone else said, this sounds like un-necessary backstory, and at this point is more distracting than helpful.
What really interests me is the street-fighter. This sound like a lot more interesting story to me. How on earth does a street-fighter end up in a dance contest? That’s a story I’d like to know more about.
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