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In a post apocalyptic world a teenage girl takes refuge in a hidden valley after loosing her parents trying to escape the pandemic and reach quarantine. Discovered by a man that could lead her to safety, he instead betrays her. He takes over her camp forcing her to fight not only a man that is bigger, stronger and armed, but also the approaching winter.
Jesus, leave some words for the dictionary, okay? "In a post apocalyptic world...", "a man that is bigger, stronger and armed", "after loosing her parents" - All unnecessary. Which leaves... "a teenage girl takes refuge in a hidden valley trying to escape the pandemic and reach quarantine. discovereRead more
Jesus, leave some words for the dictionary, okay?
“In a post apocalyptic world…”, “a man that is bigger, stronger and armed”, “after loosing her parents” – All unnecessary.
Which leaves…
“a teenage girl takes refuge in a hidden valley trying to escape the pandemic and reach quarantine. discovered by a man that could lead her to safety, he instead betrays her. he takes over her camp forcing her to fight … also the approaching winter”
Even then, I think there’s a lot of cutting that can be done here to get to the crux of your story.
Why does she care if he takes over her camp? Isn’t she trying to reach quarantine?
And perhaps instead of “trying to escape”, maybe she’s “wanting to escape” – “trying” is too ambiguous, “wanting” makes it more of a personal journey with the implication of a reward should she succeed in her goal.
I hope I have helped in some way…
See lessA girl in the Old West becomes the town judge, just before her outlaw aunt shows up.
Like I said, make it work in the world of the story, maybe it's a very small town, perhaps it's very isolated, perhaps they're a micronation... as long as the world's rules are set up in the beginning, it no longer matters what the situation is in the "real" world. This is the wonderful thing aboutRead more
Like I said, make it work in the world of the story, maybe it’s a very small town, perhaps it’s very isolated, perhaps they’re a micronation… as long as the world’s rules are set up in the beginning, it no longer matters what the situation is in the “real” world. This is the wonderful thing about writing, there are no rules until you make them.
See lessA girl in the Old West becomes the town judge, just before her outlaw aunt shows up.
Like I said, make it work in the world of the story, maybe it's a very small town, perhaps it's very isolated, perhaps they're a micronation... as long as the world's rules are set up in the beginning, it no longer matters what the situation is in the "real" world. This is the wonderful thing aboutRead more
Like I said, make it work in the world of the story, maybe it’s a very small town, perhaps it’s very isolated, perhaps they’re a micronation… as long as the world’s rules are set up in the beginning, it no longer matters what the situation is in the “real” world. This is the wonderful thing about writing, there are no rules until you make them.
See less