1. Posted: October 11, 2019In:

    When she allows her husband’s overdose, a neglectful young mother must embark on a journey of recovery or risk losing her children to the system forever.

    Best Answer
    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Recovery from what? Being neglectful? or the guilt of allowing her husband's overdose? What does this journey of recovery look like on screen? Is it an emotional journey? Or a physical one (road trip?)? Film is a visual medium so it's good to use a visual goal to represent emotional goals.  

    Recovery from what? Being neglectful? or the guilt of allowing her husband’s overdose?

    What does this journey of recovery look like on screen? Is it an emotional journey? Or a physical one (road trip?)? Film is a visual medium so it’s good to use a visual goal to represent emotional goals.

     

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: October 11, 2019In:

    A guilt-ridden psychiatrist delves into the occult to save his family when the evil spirit of a patient who killed himself haunts them.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I would start the logline with the inciting incident. Chronologically, this is what will happen first so it makes sense for that to the be the first thing you read. "When the spirit of a patient who killed himself haunts them, a guilt-ridden psychiatrist must...." How does delving into the occult saRead more

    I would start the logline with the inciting incident. Chronologically, this is what will happen first so it makes sense for that to the be the first thing you read.

    “When the spirit of a patient who killed himself haunts them, a guilt-ridden psychiatrist must….”

    How does delving into the occult save his family? I understand why he’s looking into the occult but what, specifically, is he trying to do? What specifically is he looking at within the occult? It’s a pretty broad topic. How specifically is this going to help him save his family?

    Evil spirits, the occult… feels more like a horror to me.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: October 11, 2019In:

    Two bitterly-divorced CDC epidemiologists are called to investigate a disease outbreak at a mountain resort and uncover a government conspiracy that they must stop in order to survive.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I would consider scrapping "CDC epidemiologists" and just calling them either "scientists" or "doctors". I would also choose one of these two to be the main protagonist. It's easier for the audience to relate to one character and see the world from their perspective. What's the endgame with these twRead more

    I would consider scrapping “CDC epidemiologists” and just calling them either “scientists” or “doctors”. I would also choose one of these two to be the main protagonist. It’s easier for the audience to relate to one character and see the world from their perspective. What’s the endgame with these two? Do they get back together? Or kill each other?

    Surely, in order to survive, they must not catch the disease? Stopping the government conspiracy doesn’t ensure their survival. Rather than they must stop the conspiracy in order to survive, they must survive in order to stop the conspiracy? I hope that makes sense hahaha.

    I like the premise though. Nice The Shining meets The Mist vibe. What does this disease do? Are we talking zombies? or does it just kill people? Where’s the horror element?

    I’d argue that the inciting incident is the discovery that the outbreak is part of a government conspiracy… and they’re trapped.?

    Hope this helps.

    See less
    • 0