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(6th revision- w/o typo) After performing a flawed mummification, a child must atone for shirking human souls from the Earth Spirit; after much suffering, he rises as Anubis, the judge of the dead.
It is possible to just amend the previous post rather than adding an additional logline. It's also really useful for both those commenting and those reading to see the evolution of the logline within one post rather than posting multiple versions of the same.
It is possible to just amend the previous post rather than adding an additional logline. It’s also really useful for both those commenting and those reading to see the evolution of the logline within one post rather than posting multiple versions of the same.
See lessA disgraced winemaker sets out to exact revenge on the farmer he thinks sold him poisoned grapes.
As nicolesigaud has pointed out, there is no inciting incident in this version. Add the inciting inciting incident here and it's a step in the right direction. The inciting incident from your previous attempt: "When his celebrity drinkers die" played for comedy value could work really nicely. The onRead more
As nicolesigaud has pointed out, there is no inciting incident in this version. Add the inciting inciting incident here and it’s a step in the right direction.
The inciting incident from your previous attempt: “When his celebrity drinkers die” played for comedy value could work really nicely. The only thing I would suggest is to up the stakes:
When he’s accused of manslaughter after an A-list celebrity dies, a disgraced winemaker plots his revenge on the farmer he believes sold him poisoned grapes.
I like the addition of the police aspect because it adds a subplot and additional antagonistic elements that could be fun exploring. It also increases the motivation for the protagonist – not only is he trying to clear his name, he’s trying to stay out of jail.
Out of curiosity, did the farmer sell him poisoned grapes? If so, why?
See lessA selfish millionaire, widowed to a radical terrorist academic that collected torture porn, attempts to teach her children the merits of assertiveness skills and socialist feminism
Thanks for the additional comments. Sounds like an interesting story and please don't think I'm suggesting that there's not something in here worth writing a film about. I'm merely going by the information provided in the logline. Why is she teaching her children this? To what end? What's the ultimaRead more
Thanks for the additional comments. Sounds like an interesting story and please don’t think I’m suggesting that there’s not something in here worth writing a film about. I’m merely going by the information provided in the logline.
Why is she teaching her children this? To what end? What’s the ultimate goal? Film is a visual medium – how is she teaching them? Watching a woman simply teaching her children something could mean any number of things. I would consider coming up with an objective goal that represents this. Something visual.
What journey does the protagonist go on? Her children are the ones learning things currently, what does their mother learn? The characteristic is usually reserved to suggest the character’s arc within the story. Does your protagonist go from selfish to selfless?
How does her dead husband’s torture porn collection motivate her to teach her children about assertiveness and socialist feminism?
The inciting incident is one moment that upsets the balance in the hero’s life and sets up the goal to correct the imbalance. What’s the one moment in your story that does this? Is it the death of the husband? The discovery of the torture porn collection? It shouldn’t be complex, it should be one simple incident.
Give the generator a go. It’s a really useful tool that can help isolate the key components and streamline the logline.
Hope this helps.
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