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An oddball dishwasher tries to convince his imaginary girlfriend not to break up with him on a date during the restaurant after hours. [SHORT FILM]
Something very oddly appealing about this but I feel like it needs clarification. I'd also recommend checking out the Formula page and (better yet) the Generator which will help you with the formatting. Does he actually have a girlfriend and he's imagining a future scenario where he's being broken uRead more
Something very oddly appealing about this but I feel like it needs clarification. I’d also recommend checking out the Formula page and (better yet) the Generator which will help you with the formatting.
Does he actually have a girlfriend and he’s imagining a future scenario where he’s being broken up with? Or is his girlfriend actually just imaginary? Is she visible on screen? Does this have a Run Lola Run vibe where we see his different approaches or is it just a finite thing?
When his girlfriend messages saying “we need to talk”, an oddball dishwasher plays out the all different ways he can avoid being dumped.?
What I’d really like at the end of this, is for him to meet his girlfriend and she says, before he can say anything, “I’m pregnant”.
See lessA whiskey soused private detective is hired to retrieve a businessman’s errant daughter and must convincingly infiltrate the clean living cult the daughter has joined.
At what point does he infiltrate the cult? I feel like this happens at the end of Act I and so I think we need to know a little more about what happens next. I could be wrong though. I feel like he's only got one chance to infiltrate this group but I'm struggling to see how this could sustain a 90+Read more
At what point does he infiltrate the cult? I feel like this happens at the end of Act I and so I think we need to know a little more about what happens next. I could be wrong though. I feel like he’s only got one chance to infiltrate this group but I’m struggling to see how this could sustain a 90+ runtime. It’s either just a case of getting sober to do it (which is unlikely) or pretending he’s sober (much more mileage out of this). If he’s pretending to be sober though surely it can’t be that difficult to get in? His goal after this is to get her out? How?
Fwiw though, I like the idea of a drunk PD having to infiltrate a clean living cult. I think it works great as a Noir. I’m guessing the daughter is the femme fatale? Does he fall for her? Does the cult change him?
Stick with this.
See lessWhen his older brother’s killer escapes after being institutionalized for 12 years, ISAAC, a bookish High School Senior, must fight for his life in order to escape her murderous rampage.
You don't need to include names in a logline. Describing him as a 'bookish High School Senior" is enough. In a similar vein to the last logline you posted, why is he being targeted? There appears to be no motive for her murderous rampage. We need to understand why the protagonist HAS to be this guy.Read more
You don’t need to include names in a logline. Describing him as a ‘bookish High School Senior” is enough.
In a similar vein to the last logline you posted, why is he being targeted? There appears to be no motive for her murderous rampage. We need to understand why the protagonist HAS to be this guy.
Surely, a better story would be that he finds out that she’s escaped and goes to find her… nice little revenge plot. That’s the direction I thought it was heading. Even that’s a little bland though these days. It sounds like a 90s slasher film. How are you going to make this different? What’s your hook?
Hope this helps.
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