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When a human cared jackdaw learns to fly it must be accepted by its original colony on the town square, but when a cruel politician hunts the colony into a cold forest, the jackdaw is being blamed and must rebuild trust to the town people so the colony can return home.
No problem, happy to help! The issue is that they make the square dirty and noisy - this isn't going to change if they return back there. So the protagonist jackdaw ends up moving away from the colony? Where to? I think that if the story is about the jackdaw finding himself then maybe the Act I to IRead more
No problem, happy to help!
The issue is that they make the square dirty and noisy – this isn’t going to change if they return back there.
So the protagonist jackdaw ends up moving away from the colony? Where to? I think that if the story is about the jackdaw finding himself then maybe the Act I to II turn is actually him getting pushed out from the colony for getting them kicked out of their town square home. Then the jackdaw can spend act II struggling to find ways back in to the colony by trying to sort out a way for them to move back home, only to realise that he actually doesn’t need the colony.
The B-Story is probably the relationship with the person who cared for him. I love the idea of this jackdaw returning back to this guy and trying to get a human’s help to achieve his goal.
See lessWhen a broke but aspiring law student working as a seat filler falls in love with a popular singer, he pretends to be a famous entertainment lawyer.
I believe that the famous singer mistakes him for a well-known industry executive (I haven't seen the film, I'm just reading the synopsis on IMDb) . To me, that's a much better inciting incident because this broke kid has a choice to go with the lie or tell the truth (if he comes up with the lie himRead more
I believe that the famous singer mistakes him for a well-known industry executive (I haven’t seen the film, I’m just reading the synopsis on IMDb) . To me, that’s a much better inciting incident because this broke kid has a choice to go with the lie or tell the truth (if he comes up with the lie himself he’s a bit of a dick) That’s Act I. The inciting incident is most definitely not him falling in love with her – that would happen later – probably the midpoint.
Act II – which you need to cover in the logline – is what he must do in order to keep this romance going. He must learn how to be an industry exec so he can keep up the charade as he believes that’s what she wants him to be. Chances are act II to III is the revelation that he’s not the exec and the finale is that they’re in love so it doesn’t matter to her. I’m guessing.
In short, I think your logline suggests a story that is actually quite different to the actual plot and paints the protagonist in a unfavourable light. Adjust the I.I. to be “mistaken for a famous industry exec” and tell us what he must do once that’s happened in order to keep up the charade and keep this woman he’s falling in love with in his life.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter a homeless toddler sells his beloved cuddly toy for millions of dollars and lives a life like a king with hundreds of toys, he realizes that money is not the same as happiness, so he goes out to find the owner to get his toy back.
Yeah... I have a toddler at home... he'd give you his favourite toy for a biscuit. If the child was a little older then I might believe it could happen but even then, how is the child going to buy a home to put all his toys in. He's a child so won't have a bank account... is he just walking around wRead more
Yeah… I have a toddler at home… he’d give you his favourite toy for a biscuit.
If the child was a little older then I might believe it could happen but even then, how is the child going to buy a home to put all his toys in. He’s a child so won’t have a bank account… is he just walking around with millions of dollars in cash?
I think whichever you play this it’s always going to be a stretch.
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