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Jesus Christ returns to earth with a sword, living under an alias, he does battle with the Devil to save his daughter’s soul.
Possible title - Second Coming (this was the title of a UK TV show that had a very similar premise) Check out the "Our formula" tab to help with formatting. Currently, there is no goal. What is Jesus trying to achieve? The fighting back is the action he's taking in order to make this goal happen.?"FRead more
Possible title – Second Coming (this was the title of a UK TV show that had a very similar premise)
Check out the “Our formula” tab to help with formatting. Currently, there is no goal. What is Jesus trying to achieve? The fighting back is the action he’s taking in order to make this goal happen.?”Fight back against an unjust society” – what does this look like on screen?
Why does he live under an alias? Surely, the best way for him to make a difference is to publicly announce this – think of the conflict and the chaos that would ensue. Living under an alias just makes him like any other guy trying to make a difference. Can he perform miracles? Is the story about him trying to remain anonymous?
The inciting incident needs to tie in more heavily to the goal. They are a question and an answer. The goal of doing something must be in response to the inciting incident. If he is trying to correct the unjust society then the inciting incident is his first taste of how unjust it really is.
How does Jesus return? Is he born or does he inhabit the body of another person?
See lessIn a survivalist?s bomb shelter following the nuclear apocalypse, An adolescent mechanic is prematurely woken from cryogenic hibernation by a childhood friend out of desperation. Over last sixty years, he has been trying to fix the bunkers only reusable chamber in solitude due to limited rations. In order to save himself and the remaining sleeping colony, he must not only perform a seemingly impossible repair that has stumped more qualified individuals for multiple lifetimes, but cope with the inevitable isolation following his aged-friend’s death in the process.
I like the idea of this friendship in the bomb shelter situation. It's great! But, as variable pointed out, this problem has stumped qualified individuals for multiple lifetimes... and he's simply a teenage mechanic. I feel like this is a stretch. Can there be a reason why it has to be this kid? OrRead more
I like the idea of this friendship in the bomb shelter situation. It’s great! But, as variable pointed out, this problem has stumped qualified individuals for multiple lifetimes… and he’s simply a teenage mechanic. I feel like this is a stretch. Can there be a reason why it has to be this kid? Or this time? Maybe there’s something that they had to wait 60 years for? Why has his friend waited til now to wake him? Give us reasons why all these elements have to happen like this and again, as variable suggested, give us more conflict and this could be great.
See lessWhen a pioneering kidney patient is confronted by a God-Committee reject, he takes on Washington to make life-saving dialysis treatments universally available.
Is this a true story? I'm not sure the inciting incident is as clear as it could be.?Why is he a pioneering kidney patient? Surely the doctors are the pioneers? Kidney transplant patient? Rejection instead of reject? And rejected for what... a transplant? On what grounds? The goal is pretty good butRead more
Is this a true story?
I’m not sure the inciting incident is as clear as it could be.?Why is he a pioneering kidney patient? Surely the doctors are the pioneers? Kidney transplant patient? Rejection instead of reject? And rejected for what… a transplant? On what grounds?
The goal is pretty good but without that clarity from the I.I. it’s difficult to understand the importance of it.
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