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What is the most important for you; to be free despite you may lose, or stay as a slave despite you may win? It?s your own choice not the cold wire
A logline is supposed to sum up the whole plot in as fewer words as possible so a reader can understand clearly what the story is about.?Check out the "Our formula" tab for more help on how to write one. Currently, this is more of a tagline and doesn't actually tell me much about the story at all.
A logline is supposed to sum up the whole plot in as fewer words as possible so a reader can understand clearly what the story is about.?Check out the “Our formula” tab for more help on how to write one. Currently, this is more of a tagline and doesn’t actually tell me much about the story at all.
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As Richiev has stated, this is simply the set up. You don't need to tell us the character's world has been turned upside down - in any story that's what the inciting incident does - it's a given. What you do need to tell us though is what she intends to do about it. She can't change history so whatRead more
As Richiev has stated, this is simply the set up. You don’t need to tell us the character’s world has been turned upside down – in any story that’s what the inciting incident does – it’s a given. What you do need to tell us though is what she intends to do about it. She can’t change history so what does she decide to do in order to deal with her family’s past? Think visually too – film is a visual medium after all – what does her journey look like on screen.
Hope this helps.
See lessA Specialized Law Enforcement Group gets on a train to arrest an assassin, now they team up with the assassin to stop a runaway train infested with flesh eating demons before it crashes. (Revision 4)
Agree with most of Niandra's comments, however, there is no need to put a name in for the protagonist. It tells us nothing about him or his story - it simply adds a word. Much better would be to give him a characteristic or a flaw. Something that could hint at the emotional journey he's going to goRead more
Agree with most of Niandra’s comments, however, there is no need to put a name in for the protagonist. It tells us nothing about him or his story – it simply adds a word. Much better would be to give him a characteristic or a flaw. Something that could hint at the emotional journey he’s going to go on.
Personally, unless you can tie the assassin into the flesh eating demons, I would scrap the assassin. The main thing I’ve always been curious about with this logline (and it’s various iterations) is where these demons have come from and why. The introduction of the assassin just adds a whole new plot that is still secondary to the demons and we don’t have enough information to understand why anything’s actually happening – why is the team chasing the assassin? Where are these demons from? Why are they here? Why is the assassin on the train in the first place? If they stop the train from crashing surely they still have a big problem with the demons (two goals issue)?
I’d also suggest picking a protagonist for us to root for – the leader of the group is the obvious choice.
My best advice is simplify and tie it all together.
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