1. Posted: March 5, 2019In:

    When a less than confident daughter attends her parents wild 60th Wedding Anniversary Party without her husband, her image obsessed mother nit-picks her to reveal that her marriage is over.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Agree with Richiev across the board. Without a goal it's very difficult to see where this story goes. By using "insecure" it suggests that the character's arc will go from shy to confident . Is that the case? I like the premise of this, I can imagine the scenario quite clearly but the problem I'm haRead more

    Agree with Richiev across the board.

    Without a goal it’s very difficult to see where this story goes. By using “insecure” it suggests that the character’s arc will go from shy to confident . Is that the case? I like the premise of this, I can imagine the scenario quite clearly but the problem I’m having is that all I can currently see is scenes where the mother points out her daughter’s flaws… that won’t sustain a 90min+ runtime.

    When you say “wild” what do you mean? In my head, a “wild party” conjures up images of keys in a bowl, beer chugging, drugs, etc. But this is a 60th wedding anniversary… so I imagine that’s not the case. I guess the point I’m making is that the words you use are the only thing you have to represent your story – so make their meaning as clear as possible. Lavish / extravagant / glamorous / swanky ?- these are all words I think are possibly better fits and tie in with the mother’s image obsession.

    Hope this helps.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: March 4, 2019In:

    Two friends travel through eastern europe as street musicians, searching for folk music and exploring the depths of their friendship.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    The End. This is just an outline. A logline needs an inciting incident, a protagonist, antagonist(ic forces), stakes, and a goal. The reader must get a sense of the story as a whole and story is conflict.

    The End.

    This is just an outline. A logline needs an inciting incident, a protagonist, antagonist(ic forces), stakes, and a goal. The reader must get a sense of the story as a whole and story is conflict.

    See less
    • 1
  3. Posted: March 4, 2019In:

    A determined young woman is trained by her psychologically abusive mother for competition in a professional squash tournament. – a path that puts her on a collision course with her younger and more successful sister.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    So this is Warrior but on a squash court? Sounds cool! I love squash and it's massively under appreciated. Cinematically speaking, it's two people in a glass box - claustrophobic, tense and full of action. What's not to love! I'd say that, at the moment, this is more of a summary of the action in thRead more

    So this is Warrior but on a squash court? Sounds cool! I love squash and it’s massively under appreciated. Cinematically speaking, it’s two people in a glass box – claustrophobic, tense and full of action. What’s not to love!

    I’d say that, at the moment, this is more of a summary of the action in the film (basically just act II). For it to be a logline we need the inciting incident and goal so we can see where the story began and where it’s going. ?Check out the “Our formula” for examples and help with the formatting.

    A few random questions to consider:
    Why does the mother choose to train one and not the other? What’s the history?
    Why squash? I love the idea but I’m curious
    I wonder whether it’s a bit clich? to have the parent/coach figure being psychologically abusive. Is there perhaps a new angle to this?
    I’m assuming that she’s good at squash already, she must be to enter the pro circuit, so surely she’s had this “collision course” with her sister before. What’s special about this time? Maybe the younger sister ditches the mum as the coach and the mum wants revenge so agrees to train the older, less talented sister for her own personal agenda?

    Interested to see where this one goes.

    See less
    • 0