Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
In order to save two missing girls, a cop must win a game of wits with the criminal who knows where they are or risk losing the girls to a dark demise. (Psychological Horror)
I think your comment is valid BUT the beauty of this site is that we're all here to take an idea and make it better. Maybe try evaluating your own logline as if it weren't your own since you are already aware that it could be better.
I think your comment is valid BUT the beauty of this site is that we’re all here to take an idea and make it better. Maybe try evaluating your own logline as if it weren’t your own since you are already aware that it could be better.
See lessThe Leader of a Specialized Law Enforcement Group must save himself and his team on a uncontrolled, flesh eating demon infested train before it crashes and destroy everything on board. (Revision 3)
What's on this train that we don't want to be destroyed? Other than the team that is.Why are this team on the train in the first place? If they are sent there on a mission (which I think is the best idea as it sets up a lot more options) then there must be something on the train worth protecting.MayRead more
What’s on this train that we don’t want to be destroyed? Other than the team that is.
Why are this team on the train in the first place? If they are sent there on a mission (which I think is the best idea as it sets up a lot more options) then there must be something on the train worth protecting.
Maybe the train is carrying some magical macguffin that opens up a portal to hell and some power surge (that disabled the remote ability to put the breaks on and they can’t contact the driver) on the train activated it hence the demons. The team are sent in (imagine a cool sequence where the team are trying to get on board this train at 200mph) to stop the train – that is their mission. But the people who sent them aren’t aware the portal’s been activated, they just know the train had a power surge and someone needs to apply the breaks manually. When the team get on board they discover the demons and have no idea what’s going on – chaos ensues, much fighting, etc etc. They board the train at the back and have to work their way to the front but the artefact is in the last carriage before the engine room (convenient right?). So the big finale that Richiev mentioned is them having to figure out a way to close this portal inside this moving train. Perhaps the end is this leader realising the only way to close it is to let the train crash?
That’s my rambling idea anyway – that’s kinda what I want to see. I’m possibly seeing this as more of an action film…
See lessAfter a fight with a pack of wolves, a emotionally volatile tachycardic is given superhuman senses, which places him and his girlfriend in danger from an unstoppable tyrannical businessman. (Revision 2)
As mentioned in previous versions of this logline, the inciting incident in most superhero stories is actually the appearance of the villain. Until that point the hero is just standing around learning how to use his powers and, whilst awesome to watch, isn't actually the story. Your villain is unstoRead more
As mentioned in previous versions of this logline, the inciting incident in most superhero stories is actually the appearance of the villain. Until that point the hero is just standing around learning how to use his powers and, whilst awesome to watch, isn’t actually the story.
Your villain is unstoppable… he can’t be stopped. You have no story then. We need to have some idea what this bad guy is trying to achieve and why. He can’t just be a one dimensional villain who wants the hero’s powers just because he’s evil.
The girlfriend doesn’t need to be in the logline. It adds nothing.
Superhero movies are usually large scale adventures (not always). In your version, the only people in danger are the hero and his girlfriend. You need some more story in here. As it stands, after he’s attained these powers the hero and his girlfriend are simply “in danger”. They could be sitting at home watching TV together and be “in danger”. What’s actually happening and why?
Why wolves? Why is the fact that he’s a tachycardic relevant? So many elements here are disconnected – tie it all together.
See less