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When her father falls ill from a poisonous rhinog bite, a desperate daughter rushes to find the only thing that can cure him ? the elusive Lotumid herb.
Couple of additional comments on your comment:The genre is fantasy, but the theme is not. The theme is what the film is really about and is frequently posed as a question to the protagonist. ?It's the film's message to the audience. Check out this video which really helped me understand what a themeRead more
Couple of additional comments on your comment:
The genre is fantasy, but the theme is not. The theme is what the film is really about and is frequently posed as a question to the protagonist. ?It’s the film’s message to the audience. Check out this video which really helped me understand what a theme is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIuKNVny9cM
When her father falls ill from a poisonous animal bite, a passionate and impulsive herbalist only has until sunrise to find a healing herb and concoct a cure before the poison takes his life.
I think your revised version is ok but the reader needs to understand why this is going to be a journey that can sustain a 90min+ runtime. There needs to be some suggestion as to why it?s so difficult to obtain and how it?s going to push the protagonist. As an herbalist, she?s perfectly placed to know what to look for and where? this makes the journey MUCH shorter than, say, a teenager who has no knowledge of herbs at all and has to learn what they are by finding a well-renowned herbalist first. In Jaws, Chief Brody doesn?t know how to kill a shark and he doesn?t even like water. Much bigger journey than Quint?s or Hooper?s but the audience loves an underdog! I appreciate that, as the story?s already written, this might not be what you want to do but this would provide the greater sense of character growth that you?re looking for.
I want more information about the antagonist and/or antagonistic forces at work. What is this character risking to save her father? Conflict is story so give us more conflict.
?Passionate but impulsive? ? the protagonist?s characteristic usually goes some way to show their emotional journey (arc) ? selfish ?> kind, cowardly ?> brave, etc. Impulsive would lead to cautious or forward-thinking? Is this what you had in mind? If not, spend some time thinking about who they are at the beginning, who they are at the end, and what they?ve learnt about themselves.
Just a query about this fantasy world (or more the creatures within it). The Rhinogs are a civilised race who live in a city and grow crops, right? But they?re biters?? This seems a little primitive to me. When you say poisonous animal bite I don?t imagine a civilised society. Could they use poisonous darts? Or a weapon of some kind? Thinking out loud now.
I checked out that link, I like the idea of a micro-verse within our own world. Visually, it could be great! I think it?d be really fun for it to play with elements from our world too ? like A Bug?s Life, or Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Hope this helps too.
See lessAfter fending themselves from enemy forces, a small U.S. platoon escape into the Afghan mountains where they unknowingly enter into a strange and surreal game of survival with a hostile giant during their tour of duty.
Think of the Inciting Incident and the Goal as a question and an answer. The goal must answer the question posed by the inciting incident. What do you do when a shark kills a tourist on your beach? You try to kill the shark. They must be related! With that in mind, your inciting incident is relatedRead more
Think of the Inciting Incident and the Goal as a question and an answer. The goal must answer the question posed by the inciting incident. What do you do when a shark kills a tourist on your beach? You try to kill the shark. They must be related! With that in mind, your inciting incident is related to the soldiers fending off an attack and escaping into the mountains but the goal is to survive with the hostile giant. The inciting incident, in my opinion, is the appearance of the giant. This is the event that changes everything and sets up Acts II and III.
I think this was discussed with previous versions of this logline but pick a central protagonist – like the leader of this merry band of soldiers. It’s easier for an audience to get emotionally involved with a story when there is one character they care about more than the others.
“Strange and surreal game of survival” – Why is it strange and surreal? We need to understand what this is going to look like on screen because film is a visual medium. Making sure the reader has a clear idea what’s going on gives you a better chance of someone picking this up. Ambiguity or vagueness leaves the reader to fill in the blanks in their own head and this is never good if it’s not the story you’re trying to tell.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter 13 months of no contact from the Alien ship that appeared in Earth’s Orbit, five New York State citizens find their lives inexplicably intertwined as they and the rest of the world adjust to a new reality.
Agree with Nir and Richiev. Currently there isn't really anything going on. The appearance of an alien ship is a good inciting incident but 13 months with no contact... what is going to keep the audience entertained? The story starts when the aliens make contact... surely?! Otherwise what's their puRead more
Agree with Nir and Richiev. Currently there isn’t really anything going on.
The appearance of an alien ship is a good inciting incident but 13 months with no contact… what is going to keep the audience entertained? The story starts when the aliens make contact… surely?! Otherwise what’s their purpose, why are they in the story at all? Without more information it’s difficult to know what’s in your head but I’m assuming (and hoping) the aliens have something to do with these 5 people. If this is the case, give us a clue as to why. If these 5 start seeing visions and sculpting with mash potato (Close Encounters of the Third Kind), or having visions (Arrival), then the reader needs to know. There MUST be a connection. Otherwise, what’s the point in having aliens appear in the story at all.
As Nir said, you need a protagonist. The story can follow multiple characters but there needs to be one central protagonist who acts as the emotional conduit for the audience. Most ensemble films still pick one of the group who is more central than the rest – Danny Ocean in Ocean’s 11 (clue’s in the title), Mikey in The Goonies, Gordie in Stand By Me. Write the logline from this character’s perspective.
There needs to be a goal. Something that the character(s) is working towards. If the arrival of the aliens is the inciting incident then the goal must relate to this. Think of the I.I. as a question and the goal is the protagonist’s chosen answer. What do you do when a shark kills a tourist on your beach? You try to kill the shark.
I love alternative, more human takes on the SciFi genre (you’ve put this in drama??) like Arrival and Her so I’m intrigued to see what happens next with this logline.
Hope this helps.
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