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The life of a well known assassin becomes chaotic when he finds he purchased the daughter of an old rival at a slave market, leaving him the choice to give her back to spare himself or keep her and die.
Why is his life turned upside down? What's his goal? This is just the inciting incident... what happens next?
Why is his life turned upside down? What’s his goal? This is just the inciting incident… what happens next?
See lessA group of engineers help create a powerful artificial intelligent assistant that helps solve many of humanity’s problems leading to a great awakening that ends up demanding human worship.
There's a bit of ambiguity here. I'm assuming it's the AI that has the great awakening - it's fairly obvious this is the case but I think it could be worded a little better for clarity. I feel like this is mostly just the set up though. Who's the main character? What's their goal? The inciting incidRead more
There’s a bit of ambiguity here. I’m assuming it’s the AI that has the great awakening – it’s fairly obvious this is the case but I think it could be worded a little better for clarity. I feel like this is mostly just the set up though. Who’s the main character? What’s their goal? The inciting incident seems to be the moment the AI demands human worship but that’s right at the end. What happens next?
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See lessA broken woman finds herself married to a highly respected deacon, but must now escape a life of abuse and ultimately find her own true spiritual identity.
Saying "finds herself married" makes it sound accidental. Why is she a broken woman? (I know because I've read previous versions of this logline but newbies won't). The inciting incident isn't really evident in this version. You need to give us the moment that flipped her seemingly happy life upsideRead more
Saying “finds herself married” makes it sound accidental. Why is she a broken woman? (I know because I’ve read previous versions of this logline but newbies won’t).
The inciting incident isn’t really evident in this version. You need to give us the moment that flipped her seemingly happy life upside down – to me that’s when her husband, whom she thought was perfect, starting abusing her.
The goal of finding her spiritual identity… what does that look like on screen? Film is a visual medium so it’s important to think about what will be happening on screen.
Is the fact that he’s a highly respected deacon relevant? In my head, change this to any other profession and it doesn’t make a lot of difference. The important bit for me is understanding why this is so difficult for her and that comes from her past. Consider describing her as a “child abuse victim” or something similar as this suggests why it will be so much harder for her to find herself in this situation again.
Hope this all helps.
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