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An awkward pre teen girl tries desperatley to survive her middle school years despite the fact that her home life is utterly unstable. She lives in poverty with a drug addicted, bipolar, suicidal mother who continually bounces from husband to husband with no regard for her children.
Check out the "Our formula" tab for help with formatting. This is currently more of a setup than a logline. This is simply introducing us to the world the story is set in. For it to be a logline we need an inciting incident that sets up an associated goal. ?What is the specific event that turns herRead more
Check out the “Our formula” tab for help with formatting.
This is currently more of a setup than a logline. This is simply introducing us to the world the story is set in. For it to be a logline we need an inciting incident that sets up an associated goal. ?What is the specific event that turns her life upside down? How is she going to get her life back the right way round? That’s your story and that’s what needs to be in your logline.
Hope this helps.
See lessA young hedonistic girl abandoned in an orphanage by her parents and in bitterness of soul, finally found love when she marries a highly respected and handsome church deacon only to discover his unorthodox and authoritative behavior hidden from the church. She is now in the fight of her life to free herself and her children once and for all from a lifelong torment a second time. OR A Young hedonistic girl finally found love when she marries a highly respected deacon only to discover his unorthodox behavior. Now in the fight for her life, she struggles to free herself a second time from a life of torment.
I agree with Richiev. I'd like to think that she didn't find love when she married this guy - surely she fell in love with him first and then decided to marry him? For us to appreciate how his unorthodox behaviour could make her have to fight for her life you need to be more specific about that sideRead more
I agree with Richiev.
I’d like to think that she didn’t find love when she married this guy – surely she fell in love with him first and then decided to marry him?
For us to appreciate how his unorthodox behaviour could make her have to fight for her life you need to be more specific about that side of the story. The discovery of this behaviour is the inciting incident that sets up her goal of trying to escape.
Your second version is better simply because it gives us pretty much all of the information we need in half the word count. However it omits the information that makes us understand why this is the second time she has to free herself from a life of torment. Change that bit and check out the formula page for help with formatting and I don’t think this will be too far off. I would consider changing “hedonistic” though. I think it would be better to suggest that she’s had a difficult life and not by choice. Hedonism is a lifestyle choice. For her emotional story to be its strongest, she needs to think that she’s broken free of that lifestyle when she falls in love with this “stand up guy” only to have the world come crashing down when she makes the discovery (whatever that is).
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen an article about a genetically abnormal blue watermelon surfaces, the world’s most misunderstood (and only) super-villain goes on a journey to find it and prove his humanity before the FBI resorts to drastic measures to stop him once and for all.
How does finding the blue watermelon prove his humanity? If he's the only super-villain then by default he's the most misunderstood... and the world's most understood. Super-villains need super heroes to oppose them. The FBI can't be all it takes to stop him. But why do they want to stop him? All heRead more
How does finding the blue watermelon prove his humanity? If he’s the only super-villain then by default he’s the most misunderstood… and the world’s most understood. Super-villains need super heroes to oppose them. The FBI can’t be all it takes to stop him. But why do they want to stop him? All he wants to do is find a blue watermelon.
I think there are a lot of components to this logline that need more cohesion. A reader should have a clear idea of the whole film, start to finish, when they read a logline. The inciting incident and the goal should be very closely related – the inciting incident should be the event that turns the protagonist’s life upside down and sets up his goal of correcting it again.
Have you seen Megamind or Despicable Me? Both have similar premises to this and are good examples of how you can use a super villain as a protagonist to comedic effect.
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