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A young woman’s life turn upside down when she joins a secret agency to fend off her bullies.
I'm still not seeing a clear connection between all your elements. What is the inciting incident for your story? Why would a secret agency arrest a random girl for weed? Why would they let a random girl join said secret organisation? And what does that have to do with her being bullied? I'm struggliRead more
I’m still not seeing a clear connection between all your elements. What is the inciting incident for your story? Why would a secret agency arrest a random girl for weed? Why would they let a random girl join said secret organisation? And what does that have to do with her being bullied? I’m struggling to think of a way to put all of these elements into a cohesive logline which IMHO means something is missing
See lessTo save a retirement home from bankruptcy, its uptight director must convince her estranged, obnoxious father to make a significant donation, or face losing her job and custody of her daughter. But when he insists on playing a role in running the home, the director must balance the need to keep her father’s money with the increasing annoyance of the home’s residents with the coarse intruder.
Hey, I think Odie's response is an improvement. However I think it's missing an action. At the moment there isn't a solution to the problem in either logline which means the movie could go on forever. How does the uptight director solve her issues? When you work that out I would make sure to includeRead more
Hey,
See lessI think Odie’s response is an improvement. However I think it’s missing an action. At the moment there isn’t a solution to the problem in either logline which means the movie could go on forever. How does the uptight director solve her issues? When you work that out I would make sure to include it in the logline.
After believing that his son is possessed, a former sinful man learns that the spirit is son’s mother whom the man had shot dead a few years ago and she wants revenge
This logline doesn't have an action. Who is the protagonist? I'm assuming it's the sinful man but the logline reads as though the mother could be the protagonist. If it's the man that's the protagonist what does he do once his wife possesses his son? Also I wouldn't use the word "believing" in the lRead more
This logline doesn’t have an action. Who is the protagonist? I’m assuming it’s the sinful man but the logline reads as though the mother could be the protagonist. If it’s the man that’s the protagonist what does he do once his wife possesses his son?
Also I wouldn’t use the word “believing” in the logline. I would just say something like “After a reformed sinner’s son is possessed by the vengeful wife he murdered, he must find a way to exorcise her before the truth is revealed.”
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