Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When their son takes his own life, his determined mother must seek out her orphaned nephew in an effort to support his dreams like she never could for her own child.
Never start a logline with "When." No one cares about things that happen; we care about the people to whom things happen. Start with the protagonist. Other major issues have already been mentioned here: use of "their," why is her quest a must...also, if her nephew is orphaned, why does she not alreaRead more
Never start a logline with “When.” No one cares about things that happen; we care about the people to whom things happen. Start with the protagonist.
Other major issues have already been mentioned here: use of “their,” why is her quest a must…also, if her nephew is orphaned, why does she not already have custody? Is the death of her son and those of the nephew’s parents related, or concurrent? If not, where’s the other kid been all this time? And what do his dreams have to do with anything? What’s really at stake here?
A logline should be a compelling summary of the script, highlighting these basic details: protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. Give us this info, and phrase it so it flows in one smooth sentence.
See lessWhen a failed real estate agent is threatened to be fired, he must sell a house no one else has succeeded in selling.
Never start a logline with "When." It's like burying the lead. No one cares about things that happen; we care about the people to whom those things happen. Past that, the premise isn't clear. If he's already a failed agent at the beginning, why is he still working at the agency and attempting to selRead more
Never start a logline with “When.” It’s like burying the lead. No one cares about things that happen; we care about the people to whom those things happen.
Past that, the premise isn’t clear. If he’s already a failed agent at the beginning, why is he still working at the agency and attempting to sell a house? Maybe a different adjective or tense would help, like failing, or down on his luck…or if he’s young and new to the industry, trying to succeed and/or thrive, he could be a junior agent, or maybe a senior agent trying to sell a house he never could, do so before forced retirement…I’m just not seeing the stakes here. “Threatened to be fired” isn’t that much of a threat. People get fired all the time. In fact a lot of characters get fired in the first act so they can pursue what the movie’s really about in the second act.
Basically, you haven’t made your story clear, so there’s no way any of us can help improve your logline because we don’t know enough of the details behind it. Why has no one sold the house? Is it haunted? Is it a shithole? Too gaudy, too expensive, too rural, what? It doesn’t sound like there’s enough conflict to sustain a feature, unless there’s more detail you haven’t hinted at. A logline has to give an impression of the scope of a story without specifying or giving away all the details.
See lessWhen an African-American photographer gets trapped by his white girlfriend?s family who intent to steel his body he must break free in order to stop the family?s body-snatching business.
SPELLING MATTERS
SPELLING MATTERS
See less