Very long, and unclear on the actual story. No need to be so vague about events — just focus on the first half of the script so you don’t give away what happens in the second half. And if he’s seen this girl before, he can’t be meeting her for the first time.

Since what you’ve presented doesn’t supply much in the way of story elements, here’s an example of what it could be about, and you can change the details to match the script while maintaing the general format:

A high school freshman just trying to fit in must contend with his childhood “girlfriend” who is now embarrassingly obsessed with him.

This doesn’t really tell us what happens in the story. As was already asked: How did this crisis occur? How does it affect her? What does she do about it? Since I don’t know any of this, I’ll create an example of what it could be all about — then you can add actual pertinent details to the same form.

A career waitress questions her very existence when normally pleasant customers start treating her with relative indifference.

Still not much to go on, but at least I have an idea of what’s happening, and there’s some intrigue regarding the mystery of the change in behavior.

Or:

A disturbed waitress must solve her existential crisis when her regular customers start disappearing and no one else seems to notice.

Again, I have no idea what the story is actually about, so this is just me presenting random strange conflicts. But we definitely need to know more about what’s going on in the story, and how the main character fits into all of it.