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when a women recived text from her child passed away ten years ago ,she try to fined him to prove it is not illusion
I like the premise. It has an air of mystery, yet at the same time, has the potential for a lot of heart. I agree with Variable, and will add that it would greatly help if the scope of the challenge was made clear. For example, the movie Lion presented a slightly similar situation, boy wants to findRead more
I like the premise. It has an air of mystery, yet at the same time, has the potential for a lot of heart.
I agree with Variable, and will add that it would greatly help if the scope of the challenge was made clear.
For example, the movie Lion presented a slightly similar situation, boy wants to find his mum but at the same time, he had to look for her in India. With 1 billion people to search through the size of his task made his challenge clear and his obstacle huge.
See lessWhat would be the equivalent for this mother? Could the child have been lost, or presumed dead, in China?
after a bizarre experience in his lawn, a know-it-all businessman seeks out the-indian-guru-next-door to-instead-find himself in the drug business with a hippie
The concept is confusing. A few questions that come to mind are: Mid-life crisis or not, why would a "...top gun..." business man change his business if he is already successful? I assume "...top gun..." means very good, perhaps best to change the description to something more relevant like 'a sharkRead more
The concept is confusing.
A few questions that come to mind are:
Mid-life crisis or not, why would a “…top gun…” business man change his business if he is already successful?
I assume “…top gun…” means very good, perhaps best to change the description to something more relevant like ‘a shark’.
Since it’s set in the US, a marijuana business would be legal in most states – why would the DEA take issue with him?
What does a media firm have to do with drug enforcement?
Other than the logic flaws, what is his major problem? Is it the DEA? The media firm? A decline in business? What is his goal?
As a logline’s primary function is to describe a plot, it needs a main character, an inciting incident and a goal – something you can’t have a strong plot without. It seems as though most of your concepts suffer from similar issues, I strongly suggest you read through other posts or the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for a more detailed explanation.
See lessWhen a grieving widow learns her husband took a bullet intended for her, she must survive long enough to discover who wants her dead.
Agreed with Richiev. It took me some time to understand the premise as well (this is telling...) and it would seem that further explanations are needed for the logic to come through - best to make some significant changes to the concept so this isn't the case. The whole taking a bullet and grievingRead more
Agreed with Richiev. It took me some time to understand the premise as well (this is telling…) and it would seem that further explanations are needed for the logic to come through – best to make some significant changes to the concept so this isn’t the case.
The whole taking a bullet and grieving widow aspects are confusing the point. The event that starts her on her journey is the husband’s murder, therefore the logline should start with:
After her husband is murdered…
Then the action she takes is to hunt down the killer, so:
After her husband is murdered, a [good description MC] must hunt down the killer to save her own life.
As it stands now, the MC description is very generic and therefore I don’t know what kind of person she is or what ability she has to survive/catch/figure out who the killer is.
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