This is a good concept to stretch ones loglineing muscles on because the premise needs as much an explanation as the plot – good choice.

I haven’t seen the film and so can only speculate on the story’s particulars. It sounds, from the logline, as if the most immediate danger the MC faces is old age.? Thinking about the concept alone would likely put most people to sleep, so what else was added to the story to increase the stakes? Did the authorities find out? Did the ship’s computer activate a system to try and kill him in fear that he may endanger the mission?

Andrew.

I have a finite amount of time to spend on logline.it each day so I must appologies for not reading your deataild second reply. I did, however, read your first so I’ll respond to that.

In my opinion the concept suffers from a few fundemental problems which I have described in my post above, therefore, I won’t recount what has already been posted. You’re welcome to read back through the notes you’ve received already and study them in more detial instead of posting explenations as to why they’re wrong.

However, seeing as the major issues are not being understood I will elaborate on them for clarity’s sake. The first big problem is the lack of a clear, visual, and outer goal. This means the concept lacks a single objective that the MC can achieve, will be visibe to a camera and is clearly defined. To prove one’s love could mean any number of things;

Does he save all his food rations to prevent her from starving?
Does he break her instead of himself out of the camp?
Does he write a poem, a song or a novel to imortelize her in?

Any one of the above options could fall under the umbreal of “…prove his love to her…”. Therefore,? whatever his objective is needs to be made clear in the logline. Without a clearly described objective, or goal, the plot is unclear and describing the plot is the primary function of a logline.

Secondly, his inner journey is a derivative of his flaw and currently he has no flaw described in the logline. Your explenation of inner journey “… to evolve into a person who wants to define the reality from the isolated boy he was through his desire of love and pain…” doesn’t describe a flaw rather it elaborates on the situation he is in.? Ask yourself; Is he naive? Is he childish? Is he delusional? What is it about his character that needs to change in order for him to become a better person? then add that in.