Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A teenage Jewish boy Harles in a Nazi death camp sets out to prove his love to Hitler’s daughter Ida who once pretended to be Jewish.
About the story you currently have for the boy, his love interest stakes pale in comparison to the daily struggle for life. Ultimately, the boys story seems melodramatic and un original, more to the point you still have yet to describe a plot. It still isn't clear what exactly he does to get the girRead more
About the story you currently have for the boy, his love interest stakes pale in comparison to the daily struggle for life. Ultimately, the boys story seems melodramatic and un original, more to the point you still have yet to describe a plot. It still isn’t clear what exactly he does to get the girl, or why, he seems to have no inciting incident and no clear goal – what does “…prove his love…” actually mean?
You’re missing the point DPG is making. If you are already making up a holocaust story why not then take liberties with the characters to serve a better story. If Hitler had a daughter and she got caught up as a prisoner in a death camp then her story would provide her with a significant inner journey – she realises how wrong her father is and decides to help the prsoners, she evolves as a person. However, if you look at the boy (and I mean this with all due respect to his pain and suffering) what is his inner journey? How does he evolve?
To make it work you would have to make her his secrete daughter, if he never announced that he had children it could be argued that he could have had a daughter in secrete and this is her story – however imporbable it is plausable. If no one knew she was his daughter she would have to prove her family relation to him from inside the death camp and strugle to help the prisoners, big obstacles and big stakes.
See lessWhen his wife becomes a Christian, a devout atheist who believes in truth, uses his journalistic skills to prove Jesus was a myth
I would rephrase the description to "...strict atheist...", drop the part about true story and jump straight to the plot proving Jesus was a myth. I'd also add a few hints as to how or where he will do it. E.g: After his wife becomes a born again Christian, an atheist journalist must uncover evidencRead more
I would rephrase the description to “…strict atheist…”, drop the part about true story and jump straight to the plot proving Jesus was a myth. I’d also add a few hints as to how or where he will do it.
E.g:
See lessAfter his wife becomes a born again Christian, an atheist journalist must uncover evidence in Jerusalem to prove to her that Jesus was a myth.
Two siblings leave a miserable home in the wake of the country’s civil war, they embark on an austere quest to find a new life in a foreign country.
Agreed with Richiev, so little to add except a rule of thumb: If the detail you describe can be interpreted in many different ways it shouldn't be used in a logline. For example, "...an austere quest..." can mean that they meet unfriendly characters, cold and grey weather or difficult terrain - it'sRead more
Agreed with Richiev, so little to add except a rule of thumb: If the detail you describe can be interpreted in many different ways it shouldn’t be used in a logline. For example, “…an austere quest…” can mean that they meet unfriendly characters, cold and grey weather or difficult terrain – it’s the details of their quest that will make it interesting and their story unique.
See less