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It?s the tail-end of the hair band era, but four friends from Jersey don?t know that yet, and their band is riding the wave of a surprise hit single. All that stands between them and their dreams of gold and platinum are a cross-country road-trip to L.A., strange venues, hostile audiences, and a label suit with an axe to grind, hellbent on seeing them fail.
Also, just a follow-up thought I think the description of hair band era is vague. I get that you mean bands with long hair but it may not be clear for most readers I think best you change it. The other thought I had was you would be better off specifying a single protagonist in the band, it would heRead more
Also, just a follow-up thought I think the description of hair band era is vague. I get that you mean bands with long hair but it may not be clear for most readers I think best you change it. The other thought I had was you would be better off specifying a single protagonist in the band, it would help focus the story and sharpen the plot.
See less?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
Revenge is redundant - the gang want the drugs back and their motives are clear enough already. The girlfriend and dog can be cut as they add little, if at all, to the plot. The story in as of itself seems a bit confusing, I'm referring to the logline alone not considering the explanation. Why was tRead more
Revenge is redundant – the gang want the drugs back and their motives are clear enough already.
The girlfriend and dog can be cut as they add little, if at all, to the plot. The story in as of itself seems a bit confusing, I’m referring to the logline alone not considering the explanation.
See lessWhy was the cop forced to steal a truck with drugs?
Why are the drugs deadly? Wouldn’t the drug dealers want their customers to stay alive and addicted to their product?
What is his goal? “…somehow survive the night…” is vague, does he need to drive the truck over to the nearest police station? If so specify it.
It?s the tail-end of the hair band era, but four friends from Jersey don?t know that yet, and their band is riding the wave of a surprise hit single. All that stands between them and their dreams of gold and platinum are a cross-country road-trip to L.A., strange venues, hostile audiences, and a label suit with an axe to grind, hellbent on seeing them fail.
This logline is longer but lacks the same as it's predecessors - inciting incident, clear stakes and a clear goal. What one event motivates them to have to take action? What have they got to lose if they fail? What does gold or platinum mean? A record that goes gold or platinum? Is that feasible? WoRead more
This logline is longer but lacks the same as it’s predecessors – inciting incident, clear stakes and a clear goal.
What one event motivates them to have to take action?
What have they got to lose if they fail?
What does gold or platinum mean? A record that goes gold or platinum? Is that feasible? Would they not need to be a big enough name band for that to happen? Are there not many other objectives on their way before gold and or platinum albums?
If the audiences are hostile why would they go see the band in the first place?
Best to shorten a logline to include only the crucial components of the plot, anything else will be extraneous.
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