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A man with multiple personality disorder is being held captive by a murderous cult or his own personalities. He must rescue a girl who may or may not exist and escape.
Haven't read the other comments, so this may be a repeat. The premise is confusing. Who is holding him captive? The other personalities inside his mind or actual people who are members of a cult? Also, what is the primary goal, to escape himself or save the girl? These will need to separate incitingRead more
Haven’t read the other comments, so this may be a repeat.
The premise is confusing. Who is holding him captive? The other personalities inside his mind or actual people who are members of a cult?
Also, what is the primary goal, to escape himself or save the girl? These will need to separate inciting events. If he needs to escape then the inciting event is being captured by the cult. However, if he needs to save the girl, the inciting event would be the girl getting captured by a cult.
See lessAfter rescuing a baby found outside of her family’s cabin,? an apathetic teen must shelter him from the approaching blizzard and fend off relentless attacks from his monstrous, “Parent,” until the storm passes.
It's an interesting premise but is slightly obscured by the wordiness (if that's a word...) of the logline. Word count aside, the nature of the monstrous parent needs to be clear for the stakes to be clear. Is the parent a psychotic killer? None humane? A werewolf? A vampire? A shapeshifter? Who orRead more
It’s an interesting premise but is slightly obscured by the wordiness (if that’s a word…) of the logline.
Word count aside, the nature of the monstrous parent needs to be clear for the stakes to be clear. Is the parent a psychotic killer? None humane? A werewolf? A vampire? A shapeshifter? Who or whatever the monster is will determine the type of story and struggle the teen will have. Accordingly, we the readers will understand what he or she MUST do to save the baby – “…fend off…” could mean any number of things…
See lessAn old, abusive slave owner switches body with his slave who gives him a taste of his own medicine
Agreed with the above. It would be better if both slave and owner learn something. The lesson the owner undergoes is obvious, but the slave's isn't. What if after the slave inhabits the owner's body, he becomes hell-bent on revenge, gets it, but then wants more. The audience should be happy to see tRead more
Agreed with the above.
It would be better if both slave and owner learn something. The lesson the owner undergoes is obvious, but the slave’s isn’t.
What if after the slave inhabits the owner’s body, he becomes hell-bent on revenge, gets it, but then wants more. The audience should be happy to see the owner get his comeuppance, but then if structured well, things change around the mid-point. The slave ventures on a dark path, and the more he keeps trying to avenge the injustice he received, the more he realises that he’s crossed a line and is becoming as bad as his former tormentor.
Just a thought.
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