1. Posted: November 29, 2019In:

    A young medium is tasked with cleansing an old mansion but the spirits would kill to protect their dark secrets.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    "...would kill..." should be 'kill' - make the danger imminent. Also, it would be better to make the stakes more personal. For example: After her brother is lost in a haunted mansion, a medium must cleanse the murdering spirits away to save his life.

    “…would kill…” should be ‘kill’ – make the danger imminent.

    Also, it would be better to make the stakes more personal.

    For example:

    After her brother is lost in a haunted mansion, a medium must cleanse the murdering spirits away to save his life.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: November 30, 2019In:

    A couple new acquaintances, memory damage and pain escallating hallucination influence the dark recovery of a young man who woke impossibly from a long term coma

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with Richiev. Clarity is key in loglines, and in this instance, sorely lacking. Break down the concept into its core components; What happens to the main character that forces him to take action? What does he do in response? What MUST he achieve?

    Agreed with Richiev.

    Clarity is key in loglines, and in this instance, sorely lacking. Break down the concept into its core components;

    What happens to the main character that forces him to take action?

    What does he do in response?

    What MUST he achieve?

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: November 13, 2019In:

    When a deadly plague devastates the small village she’s passing, a cloistered sister, just out of the Abbey, hunts down clues to the seemingly magical affliction in order to discover who created the plague and save the town.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    It has elements of The Name of The? Rose and Outbreak, but with a twist of magic - me like.THE_CNI has a point though, perhaps it would be better to make the village her home town. This increases the stakes as her own family will die if she fails.My try:After a deadly plague devastates her parents'Read more

    It has elements of The Name of The? Rose and Outbreak, but with a twist of magic – me like.

    THE_CNI has a point though, perhaps it would be better to make the village her home town. This increases the stakes as her own family will die if she fails.

    My try:

    After a deadly plague devastates her parents’ village, a nun in training must leave the Abby and stop the black magic causing the disease.

    ?

    See less
    • 0