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(REVISED) When a single-minded entrepreneur conducts an unauthorised trial of a ?telepathic phone? in a small town and accidentally transmits a virus that makes everyone lose self-control, she must find a cure with the help of the only uninfected person – a technophobic hippy.
The revised version of the logline describes the inciting incident as an event of the main character's doing. Good inciting incidents are normally bought about by an external force to the MC, which force him or her to take action. In this instance however, the MC causes the bad thing to happen so shRead more
The revised version of the logline describes the inciting incident as an event of the main character’s doing.
Good inciting incidents are normally bought about by an external force to the MC, which force him or her to take action. In this instance however, the MC causes the bad thing to happen so she is taking action to correct her mistake. This means that at the very starting point of the story her world is in a neutral state, she then makes it negative and eventually improves the state of the world back to neutral. So the world around her doesn’t change for better or worse, over the course of the story, and nor does she – she seems to lack a character flaw (single-minded isn’t necessarily a flaw), which indicates that she will change.
Point is that in order for the story to gain meaning there needs to be an element of significant change for the character and her world, currently it doesn’t seem to be the case.
What if she was over-trusting/naive a the start, and as a result of that someone else took advantage of her and infected the town? Now she must take action to save the world around her and learn a valuable lesson along the way.
See lessAfter being accidentally cryogenically frozen, four Brooklyn hipsters wake up 50 years later to find their neighborhood overtaken by corporations, and must fight to save the last standing bar from becoming a Starbucks.
Don't let the allure of an ensemble cast blind you to a good structure. Multi protagonist plots are notoriously difficult to pull off well, and subsequently to finance. Ask yourself, aside from the group dynamic, what do the multi protagonists give the story that it wouldn't have with one? As I don'Read more
Don’t let the allure of an ensemble cast blind you to a good structure. Multi protagonist plots are notoriously difficult to pull off well, and subsequently to finance.
Ask yourself, aside from the group dynamic, what do the multi protagonists give the story that it wouldn’t have with one? As I don’t see how having 4 main characters actually helps.
To that matter building high, and preferably personal, stakes for 4 separate characters is both very difficult and inefficient – it’s hard enough to do well with one.
Secondly I find that laughing at hipster’s “skewed” priorities has not only been done, but also likely to fill no more than a scene or two at most worth of comedy.? For a full length feature to be made out of it, you need more, hens the suggestion for more/higher/personal stakes.
See lessAfter being accidentally cryogenically frozen, four Brooklyn hipsters wake up 50 years later to find their neighborhood overtaken by corporations, and must fight to save the last standing bar from becoming a Starbucks.
Transported fifty years into the future spells many, potentially sad, out comes for a young person. Their friends and family may have moved away or died the world as they know it will be completely different - a bar turning into a Starbucks is mighty small chips in comparison. Are there any better gRead more
Transported fifty years into the future spells many, potentially sad, out comes for a young person. Their friends and family may have moved away or died the world as they know it will be completely different – a bar turning into a Starbucks is mighty small chips in comparison.
Are there any better goals with greater stakes at hand that could be used instead?
Look at the film Idiocracy for example, in this film the MC also gets frozen and is defrosted in the future, and he wants to get back home to his own time. Throughout the story he learns how the world turns out in the future and understands that humanity will likely not survive, so towards the end his goal changes from leaving to saving humanity. It’s an outrageous comedy and the stakes are pretty high.
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