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Radical insurgent falls in love with an American hostage and as his ideology falters he must orchestrate her escape before his kingpin brother masterminds a major terrorist plot that implicates and kills them both.
Agreed with the above. You have two stories in your logline - a love story and a thriller, which is the A plot and which is the B plot? Best to re structure the logline (see DPG's suggestions) to emphasize the A plot.
Agreed with the above.
You have two stories in your logline – a love story and a thriller, which is the A plot and which is the B plot?
Best to re structure the logline (see DPG’s suggestions) to emphasize the A plot.
See lessIn post-apocalyptic Africa, a clairvoyant mute and her telepathic son, falsely accused of witchcraft, struggle to escape a marauding group of villagers desperate to burn them at the stakes.
The latest version of the logline still doesn't describe a clear goal, as find sanctuary can mean any number of things, as such the plot is unclear. Ending the logline on "...the same foreign country she has seen an ill-fated future for." makes no sense in the limited context that a logline can convRead more
The latest version of the logline still doesn’t describe a clear goal, as find sanctuary can mean any number of things, as such the plot is unclear.
Ending the logline on “…the same foreign country she has seen an ill-fated future for.” makes no sense in the limited context that a logline can convey. This is because “…ill-fated…” lacks detail and fails to describe the particular dangers she will face and it also raises the question; if she has seen an ill-fated future in that place why go there all together? This is not a good point of intriguing for the reader it creates more confusion due to the lack of detail and direct relation to the character.
As DPG said best to focus on one goal and the ill-fated land seems confusing, so best to drop that and include a clear description of the specific way she will save her and her son.
See lessIn post-apocalyptic Africa, a clairvoyant mute and her telepathic son, falsely accused of witchcraft, struggle to escape a marauding group of villagers desperate to burn them at the stakes.
The age of the son and the last clause are redundant in the logline. It also lacks a goal, clearly she wants to escape and survive, but how ill she know she and her son are safe? What is the external and visual achievement that will make it clear that they have successfully escaped and are safe? LasRead more
The age of the son and the last clause are redundant in the logline.
It also lacks a goal, clearly she wants to escape and survive, but how ill she know she and her son are safe? What is the external and visual achievement that will make it clear that they have successfully escaped and are safe?
Lastly I second what Martinreese wrote, I’m not clear on what a “…bizarre infirmity..” is.
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