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A retired undefeated boxing champion William leads a simple life after losing all his money and a former boxing champion Michael insults him in a live press conference which leads the battle between their sons as they become rivals. The outcome of the battle leads Michael to challenge William to fight him in the ring and he accepts it.
The wording in this logline is confusing. "...the outcome of the battle between them leads their fathers to fight in the ring." Who's father's the boxing champion's or the boxing champion's children? Secondly using the description 'heir' in a logline comes across as an attempt to increase the stakesRead more
The wording in this logline is confusing.
“…the outcome of the battle between them leads their fathers to fight in the ring.”
Who’s father’s the boxing champion’s or the boxing champion’s children?
Secondly using the description ‘heir’ in a logline comes across as an attempt to increase the stakes via the use of semantics alone and therefore the stakes are very low. Heir suggests that the characters are meant to inherit a large estate or control over a land. As the boxers are still alive and well, their kids won’t get anything for a long time and at most they will get their fathers money after they die. Point is using heir is redundant best to chaneg it to their children, kids, sons or daughters.
It isn’t clear who the main character is, it could be the boxing champ that insults or the boxing champ that is being insulted. The logline doesn’t describe a main character and specific goal, without a plot it’s difficult to tell what the story.
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I believe the plot of Taxi driver is about how he (Robert De Niro) helps the girl (Jodi Foster) get away from the pimp (Harvey Keitel). His inner demons are obstacles and difficult for him to deal with but not the main plot of the film rather his inner journey.
I believe the plot of Taxi driver is about how he (Robert De Niro) helps the girl (Jodi Foster) get away from the pimp (Harvey Keitel).
His inner demons are obstacles and difficult for him to deal with but not the main plot of the film rather his inner journey.
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What DPG wrote. Also the logline is too long and delays plot descriptions until very late in the read, essentially everything before "...she discovers her caring employees are none other than the notorious underworld criminals..." can be deleted. Otherwise in the next draft best to describe an eventRead more
What DPG wrote.
Also the logline is too long and delays plot descriptions until very late in the read, essentially everything before “…she discovers her caring employees are none other than the notorious underworld criminals…” can be deleted.
Otherwise in the next draft best to describe an event that motivates her to pursue an outer goal, where as her inner journey of learning the importance of either loyalty or honesty should only be hinted at in her flaw.
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