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A young graduate, struggling to have a career as a photo-journalist but stuck without job prospects receives a call from a mysterious hacker organisation that wants to recruit him as their man in the field. He works for them while he tries to figure out what their ultimate goal is and confronts his opposing family.
Wanting to be a photojournalist is an ambition, not a goal. What is his primary goal? It may change throughout the story, but what does he set off to achieve in the first instance and why? It needs to be something visible and tangible. Also, the family may be a complication that you introduce in theRead more
Wanting to be a photojournalist is an ambition, not a goal.
What is his primary goal? It may change throughout the story, but what does he set off to achieve in the first instance and why? It needs to be something visible and tangible.
Also, the family may be a complication that you introduce in the script, which could be interesting. However, it seems unrelated to the ‘A’ plot, and therefore, redundant in the logline.
Lastly, as Keymiser wrote, it’s too long. Try to rewrite it with a focus on the absolute essential story elements – inciting event, main action, and goal.
See lessWhen a machete-wielding crew chases a young gang member, he?s forced to drive incognito with a Hassidic geriatric to complete a drug run.
Hey all, This was posted a while back and received some feedback. As I'm interested in people's opinions on the logline, this is a repost with a new version. Thanks for your help. Nir.
Hey all,
This was posted a while back and received some feedback. As I’m interested in people’s opinions on the logline, this is a repost with a new version.
Thanks for your help.
Nir.
See lessPresent day: After his mother is accidentally killed during a father-son quarrel, a young martial artist must find his long-lost uncle – to explain his mother’s dying words, while he is relentlessly pursued by his father, a martial arts master who has vowed to kill him.
Fulfilling a loved one's dying wish is often used as a goal by novice logliners, but rarely works. Whether it's fulfilled or not, it usually has little tangible impact on the character and world of the story - this means that the stakes are low. Also, if a character is compelled to do something forRead more
Fulfilling a loved one’s dying wish is often used as a goal by novice logliners, but rarely works. Whether it’s fulfilled or not, it usually has little tangible impact on the character and world of the story – this means that the stakes are low. Also, if a character is compelled to do something for a dead parent, they’re essentially following someone else’s dictum and not their own.? However, driven and independent characters are commonly more interesting.
Is the character guilt ridden? Did the son kill the mother?
See less