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When Superpowered Nelly discovers that her mother is not really death, but a lie implanted in her head, she goes on a crazy journey to discover the truth, but her evil father has other plans for her.
There's no need for the character's name in a logline, instead, let the descriptions introduce her. Do you mean 'dead' instead of "...death..."? Writing "...goes on a crazy journey..." doesn't enlighten the reader. In a way, all heroes go on crazy journies, what about this one makes the experience dRead more
There’s no need for the character’s name in a logline, instead, let the descriptions introduce her.
Do you mean ‘dead’ instead of “…death…”?
Writing “…goes on a crazy journey…” doesn’t enlighten the reader. In a way, all heroes go on crazy journies, what about this one makes the experience different and original?
Much in the same way, her evil father and his plans are vague descriptions. Describe what it is that makes him and or his plans evil.
My point is, you need to describe specific details that illustrate a journey that’s unique to your character.
Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more detailed information about loglines.
See lessA? newcomer in New York City,? befriends a lovely housewife who’s harboring a dark secret from them.
What prompts the fight in the first place? In other words, it's not clear what the inciting event is. Also, you would need to specify which of the two is the primary antagonist, the criminals or the Russian gangster. Lastly, what is the connection between the vampier setting and the fight against thRead more
What prompts the fight in the first place? In other words, it’s not clear what the inciting event is. Also, you would need to specify which of the two is the primary antagonist, the criminals or the Russian gangster.
Lastly, what is the connection between the vampier setting and the fight against the criminals? It feels like the setting is unrelated to the main action of the film.
The best loglines, not only describe the major beats of a story but also illustrate the cause and effect relationships between them.
See lessWhen an overprotected teenager? falls in love with an older rock-climber with trust problems, she convinces him to help her climb the dangerous “Watcher Crack” – but halfway up the wall they witness a murder and find themselves the target of a homicidal maniac desperate to cover his tracks.
Good notes by DPG. The second "plot" seems better suited for a film. Two rock climbers witness a murder on a mountain and are then targeted by the killer. That situation, in its own right, has plenty of motivation, stakes, and objectives to fulfill the requirements of a good plot. Consider thRead more
Good notes by DPG.
The second “plot” seems better suited for a film. Two rock climbers witness a murder on a mountain and are then targeted by the killer. That situation, in its own right, has plenty of motivation, stakes, and objectives to fulfill the requirements of a good plot.
Consider the first half of your logline backstory and the second half as the main plot, then structure a new logline accordingly.
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