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When a sacred family heirloom goes missing, a devoted widow is stalked by a deranged young woman who believes that she took the emblem and she viciously sets out to retrieve what might be rightfully hers.
Agreed with the above. Also, the stakes seem rather low. Could there be more to the heirloom? Maybe it has more than just sentimental value? Related to life saving research etc...
Agreed with the above.
Also, the stakes seem rather low. Could there be more to the heirloom? Maybe it has more than just sentimental value? Related to life saving research etc…
See lessTo fund her tuition to become a pilot, a small-town girl joins forces with a closely guarded circle of elite air hostesses to smuggle blood diamonds from Sierra Leone, only to discover the seductive world of the criminal rich. She is forced to overcome the alluring alpha of the clique, before she becomes one of them. [Title: Diamond in the Rough]
The character is not well motivated and the goal is not compelling, as a result, the premise falls flat. Why MUST she become a pilot? Why now? What's the event that forces her to take action? What's the worst that will happen if she doesn't become a pilot? Lastly, a good plot has a clear cause and eRead more
The character is not well motivated and the goal is not compelling, as a result, the premise falls flat.
Why MUST she become a pilot? Why now? What’s the event that forces her to take action? What’s the worst that will happen if she doesn’t become a pilot?
Lastly, a good plot has a clear cause and effect connecting the major beats – smuggling blood diamonds seems unrelated to wanting to become a pilot. The reason is she could, in theory, have any other ambition that requires finance and the plot wouldn’t change. A character’s main story action needs to be directly connected to the outer goal.
See lessA man with multiple personality disorder is being held captive by a murderous cult or his own personalities. He must rescue a girl who may or may not exist and escape.
Haven't read the other comments, so this may be a repeat. The premise is confusing. Who is holding him captive? The other personalities inside his mind or actual people who are members of a cult? Also, what is the primary goal, to escape himself or save the girl? These will need to separate incitingRead more
Haven’t read the other comments, so this may be a repeat.
The premise is confusing. Who is holding him captive? The other personalities inside his mind or actual people who are members of a cult?
Also, what is the primary goal, to escape himself or save the girl? These will need to separate inciting events. If he needs to escape then the inciting event is being captured by the cult. However, if he needs to save the girl, the inciting event would be the girl getting captured by a cult.
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