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After acceptance into a new gene-altering program, a nerdy, popular eSports gamer undergoes a risky, unknown side-effects procedure to become a NFL quarterback hoping to win a Super Bowl.
Agreed with Richiev. Also, there isn't much cause and effect between all the elements. Having been accepted into the gene program doesn't directly mean he has to become a quarterback and win the Superbowl.
Agreed with Richiev.
Also, there isn’t much cause and effect between all the elements. Having been accepted into the gene program doesn’t directly mean he has to become a quarterback and win the Superbowl.
See lessAfter rescuing a baby found outside of her family’s cabin,? an apathetic teen must shelter him from the approaching blizzard and fend off relentless attacks from his monstrous, “Parent,” until the storm passes.
It's an interesting premise but is slightly obscured by the wordiness (if that's a word...) of the logline. Word count aside, the nature of the monstrous parent needs to be clear for the stakes to be clear. Is the parent a psychotic killer? None humane? A werewolf? A vampire? A shapeshifter? Who orRead more
It’s an interesting premise but is slightly obscured by the wordiness (if that’s a word…) of the logline.
Word count aside, the nature of the monstrous parent needs to be clear for the stakes to be clear. Is the parent a psychotic killer? None humane? A werewolf? A vampire? A shapeshifter? Who or whatever the monster is will determine the type of story and struggle the teen will have. Accordingly, we the readers will understand what he or she MUST do to save the baby – “…fend off…” could mean any number of things…
See lessA special effects man decides to rob a bank in order to save his daughter who has leukemia.
"...An aspiring Hollywood filmmaker..." why specifically a filmmaker in Hollywood? How does this inform the character? Well, if he gets revenge there's not much of a story is there... Perhaps he tries to get revenge in a unique way, regardless, revenge is a negative goal. It would be best to give hiRead more
“…An aspiring Hollywood filmmaker…” why specifically a filmmaker in Hollywood? How does this inform the character?
Well, if he gets revenge there’s not much of a story is there… Perhaps he tries to get revenge in a unique way, regardless, revenge is a negative goal. It would be best to give him something positive to pursue.
Goal aside, the logline isn’t structured correctly. Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information on logline basics.
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