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Mary believes that she is having a cryptic pregnancy, but her doctor and her boyfriend don?t believe her. After she gives birth at home her child is taken from her by mysterious government organization, Mary has to fight her own self doubt to recover her child and prove her sanity.
Kind of like a horror retelling of the Jesus birth story... in concept, it sounds good, but in its current form the logline isn't working. It's too wordy and most readers won't get past the logic flaws.? Also, best to define one goal, and in this case, her sanity pales in comparison to finding her bRead more
Kind of like a horror retelling of the Jesus birth story… in concept, it sounds good, but in its current form the logline isn’t working.
It’s too wordy and most readers won’t get past the logic flaws.? Also, best to define one goal, and in this case, her sanity pales in comparison to finding her baby.
See less(First revision) When townsfolk reject an attention-craving man by magically transforming him into a ghost, he must seek the help of other rejected ghosts in order to find a way to break the curse before it becomes permanent.
The ghosting and turn into a ghost parallel is nice, but the premise doesn't work. Perhaps phrase it differently and place it in a world that's closer to ours. For example: After all his followers ghost him, a Youtube celebrity befriends another social-media reject to... Lastly, the goal is unclear.Read more
The ghosting and turn into a ghost parallel is nice, but the premise doesn’t work.
Perhaps phrase it differently and place it in a world that’s closer to ours. For example: After all his followers ghost him, a Youtube celebrity befriends another social-media reject to…
Lastly, the goal is unclear. Now that he’s found an ally ghost, what are they going to do about their predicament?
See lessEndoloution
Agreed with mikepedley85, unfortunately, dying is unavoidable regardless. Also, is the biologist the main character? If so what's his big motivating event to find a cure for life...?
Agreed with mikepedley85, unfortunately, dying is unavoidable regardless. Also, is the biologist the main character? If so what’s his big motivating event to find a cure for life…?
See less