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A sassy young city girl struggles to heal a rift between her mother and estranged grandfather by collecting seaglass for his latest art project.
The inciting incident of needing to move back to the grandfather's house is not directly related to the girl's goal of getting them back together. If her goal was to improve their financial situation then the inciting incident would work as it has a cause and effect relationship, but if you want herRead more
The inciting incident of needing to move back to the grandfather’s house is not directly related to the girl’s goal of getting them back together. If her goal was to improve their financial situation then the inciting incident would work as it has a cause and effect relationship, but if you want her goal to be an improved relationship between mother and grandfather the inciting incident needs to relate/cause the rift in the first place.
Secondly, it’s not clear how exactly collecting glass (romantic a notion as it is) will help, what else does she do to fix their relationship?
See lessThree women and a man are trapped in an apartment. Freedom is theirs for the taking a long as they abide by just one condition: the man must have sex with at least one woman.
The story is vague. Who is the main character? Why only if the man has sex with one of the women? Why not the women have sex without him? As it stands, the premise is a bit crazy in a not good way. Can you explain the stakes? Unrelated, but as an example, what if an alien race trapped them there andRead more
The story is vague.
Who is the main character?
Why only if the man has sex with one of the women? Why not the women have sex without him?
As it stands, the premise is a bit crazy in a not good way. Can you explain the stakes?
Unrelated, but as an example, what if an alien race trapped them there and they want to bread humans? This way there is a semi-logical premise, albeit out of this word (pardon the pun…) but it establishes a basic logic that makes the story coherent.
See lessAfter the death of his estranged mother, a young Wall Street executive is haunted by the ghost of his father until he mourns her properly.
Agreed with Craig. It's not clear what the MC's motivation is to not mourn her death, estranged or not.What's at stake here? What's the worst thing that will happen should he not mourn her?Also, what is his goal? To get the father's ghost off his back? To help the mother's spirit somehow?
Agreed with Craig. It’s not clear what the MC’s motivation is to not mourn her death, estranged or not.
What’s at stake here? What’s the worst thing that will happen should he not mourn her?
Also, what is his goal? To get the father’s ghost off his back? To help the mother’s spirit somehow?
See less