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Inspite of being a professional and personal failure, Sangha is optimist in life but one thing he can?t afford to risk is his innocent lie he told his son that he is a superhero.
Agreed with most of the above comments. He shouldn't be willing to risk the lives of his children just to perpetuate the lie he told them, yet at the same time, he needs a good inciting incident to motivate him to keep up the lie. Is there another version of the story in which he can't tell the poliRead more
Agreed with most of the above comments. He shouldn’t be willing to risk the lives of his children just to perpetuate the lie he told them, yet at the same time, he needs a good inciting incident to motivate him to keep up the lie. Is there another version of the story in which he can’t tell the police? Perhaps the bad guys threatened to hurt the kids if he notifies the authorities.
See lessWhen his hive is attacked by landscapers, a nerdy ant must work with an arrogant wasp, a sly cockroach and a vicious spider to create a 6ft tall mech to take on the human mecace and prove himself to the Ant Queen.
I think all the plot-critical elements are in the logline, it just needs a bit of editing. I'd also give the menace a specific face instead of making it a group of people. How about: After a gardner threatens to destroy the patch of forest he lives in, a nerdy ant must work with other insects to buiRead more
I think all the plot-critical elements are in the logline, it just needs a bit of editing. I’d also give the menace a specific face instead of making it a group of people.
How about:
See lessAfter a gardner threatens to destroy the patch of forest he lives in, a nerdy ant must work with other insects to build a 6ft tall robot to fend off the human menace and save their colonies.
An Orthodox Ivy Leaguer with dreams of marrying his high school sweetheart descends into depression following his best friend’s murder and tries to preserve his relationship, and sanity, while fighting personal demons and hostile classmates.
This is vague - I can't understand the story.The most important questions a logline needs to answer are; What specifically must the main character achieve (or fail to achieve) by the end of the story? In other words, what is his goal?? And, what motivates him to achieve said goal? The answers to botRead more
This is vague – I can’t understand the story.
The most important questions a logline needs to answer are; What specifically must the main character achieve (or fail to achieve) by the end of the story? In other words, what is his goal?? And, what motivates him to achieve said goal? The answers to both allude me after reading this logline.
You describe many different things in the logline; the MC being an “…Orthodox Ivy Leaguer…” (not sure what this means by the way – is there a better description you can use), dreams of marriage, descent into depression, the death of a friend, preservation of relationships and sanity, personal demons, and hostile classmates. None of these seem to logically connect via a cause and effect relationship and a few of the descriptions are simply confusing.
I suggest you identify one major event; either the death of his friend or his girlfriend breaking up with him, and make that the primary motivator for the MC to take action. Then specify one goal, and course of action, that best suits.
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