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After getting an unusual feedback in his survey, an editor in chief gets involved with the underground network of renegade AI
Agreed with all the above notes.A few more little things worth thinking about are the descriptions "...in his survey..." and "...gets involved...".It's not clear what survey you're referring to and how or why it is so important to the main character. I thought an editor in chief of a newspaper (digiRead more
Agreed with all the above notes.
A few more little things worth thinking about are the descriptions “…in his survey…” and “…gets involved…”.
It’s not clear what survey you’re referring to and how or why it is so important to the main character. I thought an editor in chief of a newspaper (digital or print) would pick reporters and edit stories so it’s not clear why he or she care so much about some survey.
Secondly, as ‘getting involved’ could mean any number of things, the logline doesn’t explain what he or she will do in the story – best to be clear and specific when describing the main action in a logline.
See lessAfter looking in a bewitched mirror, a schizofrenic superhero suffering from anterograde amnesia must defeat her super vilan alterego in ten nightmares in order to not wake up as evil reincarnated.
This is confusing. The MC is a schizophrenic, a superhero, and an anterograde amnesiac (had to look that one up just to understand what it means) - which one is the MC's defining characteristic? On top of the MC's description being convoluted, the fantasy/supernatural genre lacks specificity - it inRead more
This is confusing.
The MC is a schizophrenic, a superhero, and an anterograde amnesiac (had to look that one up just to understand what it means) – which one is the MC’s defining characteristic?
On top of the MC’s description being convoluted, the fantasy/supernatural genre lacks specificity – it involves superheroes, magic, and demonic elements.
I suggest you pick the one most appropriate description for the MC, and narrow down the genre to the most relevant such as; angels and demons (Constantine), magic (Harry Potter) or plain old (fill-the-gap) super-hero guff.
See lessA bounty hunter and a renegade race against the power-hungry to find an utopia lost in time.
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and DPG. It might help for you to re work this with only one main character - the plot doesn't seem to need two. Which of them is the most interesting character for you? Also, which of the two experiences the most significant change as a? result of the story?
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and DPG.
It might help for you to re work this with only one main character – the plot doesn’t seem to need two.
Which of them is the most interesting character for you? Also, which of the two experiences the most significant change as a? result of the story?
See less