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When an assassin whose memories are erased after every hit falls in love with his latest target, he must find who wants her dead to get the contract cancelled, but doing so will trigger his next memory reboot.
That makes sense in the story world - especially considering what he does.However, even if he works for a firm, there's still going to be a head honcho a big cheese a boss of sorts. Whomever this person is, he or she will have a great impact on the MC's fight/struggle/conflict, and it'll only help tRead more
However, even if he works for a firm, there’s still going to be a head honcho a big cheese a boss of sorts. Whomever this person is, he or she will have a great impact on the MC’s fight/struggle/conflict, and it’ll only help to describe that person in a way that would increase the perception of the obstacle.
The mechanics of exactly how or when the memories get cleared is irrelevant in the logline, what is important is the fact that the MC will lose his love so he has to do whatever to the person in charge.
Losing the love if the job gets canceled is a great complication as it gives him a dilemma -? he has to get the hit canceled to save the woman he loves but, at the same time, lose her from his memory. Poetic and ironic as this dilemma is, its place is in the script, not the logline.
See lessWhen an assassin whose memories are erased after every hit falls in love with his latest target, he must find who wants her dead to get the contract cancelled, but doing so will trigger his next memory reboot.
This sounds really interesting - well done! I would take out the "persona reinstalled..." bit, it's a complication that adds little to the plot. The important parts are that he is an assassin, his memories of each job get wiped out and he falls in love - his goal is clear and well motivated. PerhapsRead more
This sounds really interesting – well done!
I would take out the “persona reinstalled…” bit, it’s a complication that adds little to the plot. The important parts are that he is an assassin, his memories of each job get wiped out and he falls in love – his goal is clear and well motivated.
Perhaps it would help if you where to add a better description of what he must do to the antagonist. What does “…take down…” actually mean? Kill them? Have them arrested? Either way, it needs clarity.
Secondly, if he is an assassin, what’s stopping him from simply popping off the bad guy or gal? A more accurate description of the antagonist would help, perhaps it’s a corrupt chief of police or mafia boss – anything that would indicate the major obstacle the MC will face.
See lessA bounty hunter and a renegade race against the power-hungry to find an utopia lost in time.
Your rewrites are heading in the right direction but you need to focus the logline on the 'outer journey' and only indicate the 'inner' one by describing his or her flaw - if you describe the MC as 'selfish' or 'greedy' it is clear they will have to learn generosity during the course of the story. TRead more
Your rewrites are heading in the right direction but you need to focus the logline on the ‘outer journey’ and only indicate the ‘inner’ one by describing his or her flaw – if you describe the MC as ‘selfish’ or ‘greedy’ it is clear they will have to learn generosity during the course of the story. Therefore there is no reason to write that he or she must learn.
The whole interaction between the bounty hunter and renegade is complicating the story – it’s a subplot that’s been given an ‘A’ plot status. The main conflict in the story will come from the clash between the MC (bounty hunter) and the bad guys/gals, so the sooner you can describe why and how the bounty hunter has to fight them the better.
I’m seeing many similarities between this and the second Mad Max film. The big difference is that in Mad Max the MC is hired by a group of ‘good’ people to fight a bunch of bad guys/gals and deliver them to a utopia in a post-apocalypse world. At the same time, the MC is selfish and will only do it for some form of pay but by the end of it he cares about the good people and helps them regardless.
I wonder if you could do something similar in your story?
What if the MC is hired to deliver a sick child (pardon the cliche…) or [fill the gap – important person that can save the rest of humanity somehow] and by the end of the story he or she figures out that they won’t get paid but decide to finish the job anyhow for the greater good.
For example:
In a post-apocalypse wasteland, a selfish bounty hunter is hired to deliver the engineer of the world’s first cold fusion generator to a utopian oasis, and he must fight gangs of outlaws on their way to save humanity.
Not necessarily your story but it’s an example.
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