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Noir Dramedy: Attempts by a mentally unstable and displaced young couple to forge a family with a stolen baby are jeopardized by law enforcement, a relative with vested interest, and an abusive ex-lover; their only chance of success seems to be returning to their homeland.
The story is unclear. Check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar for more information on how to construct a logline. Here are a few pointers to get you started. A logline should be between 25 and 30 words. You also need to specify one main character and their flaw in order to indicate their inner joRead more
The story is unclear. Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information on how to construct a logline.
Here are a few pointers to get you started.
A logline should be between 25 and 30 words. You also need to specify one main character and their flaw in order to indicate their inner journey.
A logline needs to position the story within the confounds of a finite timeline as determined by an inciting incident and goal.? What was the event that motivated the characters in this story to take action towards achieving a goal? To that matter, you need to describe a specific goal for the main characters, what is the specific goal here?
See lessAfter her rich husband and her lover are found murdered on her living room floor, a beautiful woman must prove her innocence to avoid being murdered by the police while in custody.
This sounds like a generic proof of innocence story - what's the hook? What's going to be her action in the film? How will she prove anything if she's in custody? As pointed above, the logic flaw of her life being threatened while in police custody is confuing - why are the police officers threateniRead more
This sounds like a generic proof of innocence story – what’s the hook? What’s going to be her action in the film? How will she prove anything if she’s in custody?
As pointed above, the logic flaw of her life being threatened while in police custody is confuing – why are the police officers threatening her life?
See lessWhen a meltdown started accidentally by a butter sandwich opens a time vortex in a lonely computer geek?s house, he and two previous inhabitants thrown in the present by the vortex, must save the planet from an alien warrior race who thinks humans are unfit to handle time travel.
Many of the problems with the original version of this logline are still in the current version. This is too long, confusing (as a result of the wording), and lacks detail in the descriptions. Why butter sandwich? For comedy? If that's the case, it isn't adding much and you'd do well getting rid ofRead more
Many of the problems with the original version of this logline are still in the current version. This is too long, confusing (as a result of the wording), and lacks detail in the descriptions.
Why butter sandwich? For comedy? If that’s the case, it isn’t adding much and you’d do well getting rid of it in the logline.
An accident opens the vortex, chance brings the characters together and more chance gets the bad guys involved in the story – there is too much reliance on accidental instances of chance. It would be better if the aliens open the vortex to the other dimension and threaten the Earth. This way there is a clear cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal for the main character.
Lastly, “…save the planet…” is a generic ambition – describe what the MC must do to save humanity. Must he kill the alien general? Use his ‘fill the gap’ computer smarts to close the vortex? What is the main action he does to achieve his goal?
See less