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A suspended detective confronts his long-buried past investigating an unsolved murder that forces him to face himself, to his end or a cathartic answer for the murder girl and himself.
Agreed with the above - the inciting incident is not clear and lacks a strong element of motivation.Also, best to stay away from vague descriptions such as "...confronts his long-buried past..." and "...forces him to face himself..." as they lack detail they fail to inform the reader about the plot.
Agreed with the above – the inciting incident is not clear and lacks a strong element of motivation.
Also, best to stay away from vague descriptions such as “…confronts his long-buried past…” and “…forces him to face himself…” as they lack detail they fail to inform the reader about the plot.
See lessA young girl, still grieving the loss of her mother, learns that her robot design has been chosen to compete at the Asia Pacific Robotics Competition, as the first all girls team; but when her grandmother is diagnosed with a life threatening brain tumour, she must choose between the responsibility to her family and her dream of winning.
Agreed with the above. There are essentially two plots competing for the one logline. One about the young girl growing up via a robotics competition the other about her investigating the teacher's criminal records to prove him innocent - which story interests you more?
Agreed with the above.
There are essentially two plots competing for the one logline. One about the young girl growing up via a robotics competition the other about her investigating the teacher’s criminal records to prove him innocent – which story interests you more?
See lessAfter cops investigating space piracy are publicly killed, the Homicide Detective must solve the piracy case before the murderer kills him or his family
There are a few fundamental elements that are unclear about this concept: What does "...publicly killed..." mean? Is the detective investigating the killing of the cops or deaths resulting from the piracy? Why must he solve the piracy case?
There are a few fundamental elements that are unclear about this concept:
What does “…publicly killed…” mean?
Is the detective investigating the killing of the cops or deaths resulting from the piracy?
Why must he solve the piracy case?
See less