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A leaky dinghy and fearful speedboat must leave their quaint country bay to help a spoilt tender find her superyacht mothership before it embarks on a worldwide voyage.
This version appears to have similar problems to the last one. Why must the speedboat help the tender out? What is the motivation? What is the inciting incident that pushes the wheels of this story in motion? I also strongly suggest changing "...tender..." to 'dinghy', or any other vessel that wouldRead more
This version appears to have similar problems to the last one.
Why must the speedboat help the tender out? What is the motivation?
What is the inciting incident that pushes the wheels of this story in motion?
I also strongly suggest changing “…tender…” to ‘dinghy’, or any other vessel that would be more familiar to none seafarers.
See lessShort Film: An old black man living in a quiet retirement home finds a record player than, when used, makes the listener(s) young again..
Agreed with the above, the premise has some intrigue in it.Not sure how the MC being black is related though, is this set at a time before the civil rights movement? Does his skin colour present him with obstacles?Most good MCs have character flaws, does he have one?? And before anyone tries to jumpRead more
Agreed with the above, the premise has some intrigue in it.
Not sure how the MC being black is related though, is this set at a time before the civil rights movement? Does his skin colour present him with obstacles?
Most good MCs have character flaws, does he have one??
And before anyone tries to jump on a high horse, I am well aware that racism is, unfortunately, alive and well in many forms and against pretty much all skin colours nowadays.
See lessAll I’m asking is whether there is a specific reason for that description, as it doesn’t read like there is. Every word counts in a logline.
When several soldiers mysteriously die during training, a young soldier learns that his supervisor is responsible for the deaths and must fight to prevent future deaths.
Agreed with the above comments.Best to clearly define his goal - does he want to kill the drill sergeant? Does he want to have him court-martialed? What specifically is he trying to do?Will the story cover the course of his basic training? Or will the story, much like Full Metal Jacket, stretch theRead more
Agreed with the above comments.
Best to clearly define his goal – does he want to kill the drill sergeant? Does he want to have him court-martialed? What specifically is he trying to do?
Will the story cover the course of his basic training? Or will the story, much like Full Metal Jacket, stretch the course of his early military career?
See less