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Two sleazy disgraceful cops become unlikely heroes in their last-ditch effort to save their jobs and the damaged reputation of their department by vowing to take down a powerful drug and sex trafficking operation they?re steady customers of.
You need an inciting incident that is connected to their goal, it's not backstory rather the opening image or start of this story. Whatever you chose to put in the story it would best serve your cause to make the events connect via a cause and effect relationship. They did something in the opening iRead more
You need an inciting incident that is connected to their goal, it’s not backstory rather the opening image or start of this story. Whatever you chose to put in the story it would best serve your cause to make the events connect via a cause and effect relationship.
They did something in the opening image (their normal world) the council decides to shut them down (inciting incident) they must take down the biggest criminals in town (goal).
See lessWhen an alcoholic son discovers his father gets occasionally possessed by a harmful evil spirit, he must protect his family from danger that threatens them and then find a way to stop it for good.
The order of the descriptions is wrong - he must stop it for good in order to protect his family... I suggest you describe the possession of the father as a definitive event instead of an arbitrary one. Here is my try: After a father becomes possessed, his alcoholic son recruits a priest to help stoRead more
The order of the descriptions is wrong – he must stop it for good in order to protect his family…
I suggest you describe the possession of the father as a definitive event instead of an arbitrary one.
Here is my try:
After a father becomes possessed, his alcoholic son recruits a priest to help stop the evil spirit for good in order to save his family.
See lessA bitter yet compliant African slave is killed for a crime he didn?t commit and is revived through black magic. Upon discovering he?s immortal, he?ll spend decades trying to recover what was stolen from him. New Logline: After a revived African slave discovers he is immortal after being framed for murder, he spends each passing century fighting bigotry to end how blacks are viewed in America. 5/3/2017
Great concept for a series, one that I'd like to hear more about (it's rare for me to write such a comment on this site, as most members will attest...) If you want more details on how to logline/pitch a series in general and episodes in particular, it would require more than I am able to in a threaRead more
Great concept for a series, one that I’d like to hear more about (it’s rare for me to write such a comment on this site, as most members will attest…)
If you want more details on how to logline/pitch a series in general and episodes in particular, it would require more than I am able to in a thread response. So here are a few thoughts, this sounds like a logline that’s trying to describe the series as a whole instead of the pilot, for that reason I suggest making a few changes:
Beware of hinting at a premise pilot, describe the series as an ongoing affair after the start of his journey. In other words, make the logline describe him as an immortal with an agenda in the 19th century and onwards instead of a reincarnated slave in an earlier century.
I would also suggest you change the genre to supernatural instead of drama, his ability defines him and will provide the hook for most audiences. Like DPG said, time is on his side and not being able to die means he needs other big obstacles to overcome.
Perhaps there could also be an English officer, unbeknown to the MC, that was brought back to life who keeps chasing the MC throughout history?
Otherwise, the colour of his skin will provide him with many obstacles which can be exploited in the series.
The concept is very similar to the series Forever only instead of an English man it’s a slave that becomes immortal, for this to work the concept needs to be made different in the motivations driving the MC. Therefore, the logline needs to focus on the major obstacles he will have and his ongoing goal.
See lessFor example:
After a revived slave discovers he is immortal on a slave traders ship, he spends each passing century fighting bigotry in order to abolish slavery around the world.