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After she causes the death of her younger brother, a teenager discovers a past-altering device and must use it to regain her family before her brother?s ghost ruins her life.
The goal of preventing her brother's death is enough of a motivation, the secondary goal of stopping his ghost from ruining her life is redundant and can be cut. What is her flaw? Currently, you describe her as a teenager, which is too general and vague a description for a main character. Could it bRead more
The goal of preventing her brother’s death is enough of a motivation, the secondary goal of stopping his ghost from ruining her life is redundant and can be cut.
What is her flaw? Currently, you describe her as a teenager, which is too general and vague a description for a main character.
Could it be that her flaw caused the death?
See lessAfter witnessing the murder of her student, a teacher is forced to work with an off-grid agency to stop an underground terror division.
Focus on her merit, not socio-political agenda. Marine gone art teacher sounds interesting to me, however, Marine can mean several things - was she an infantry trooper on the front line? An office clerk on a base? What was her specific expertise? As an Ex military myself, I find it surprising how brRead more
Focus on her merit, not socio-political agenda.
Marine gone art teacher sounds interesting to me, however, Marine can mean several things – was she an infantry trooper on the front line? An office clerk on a base? What was her specific expertise?
As an Ex military myself, I find it surprising how broad a scope the term ‘soldier’ covers for most people.
Use her expertise as a key into her being recruited to work for this off-grid agency. Lastly, best to give her a long-term goal for the series as a whole, which means what is it she wants to achieve by the end of season one.
For example:
See lessAfter witnessing a student’s murder, a marine sniper gone art teacher must join an off grid agency to prevent a terror cell from targeting students around the country.
Thirty five year old toy designer John who hates kids gets a chance to design toys for one of the best toy manufacturing company under the super vision of four year old Sara.
There have been several films about toy designers and manufacturers, some more successful than others, but while toy making is not without its charm as a premise it needs an additional escalation of stakes. For example, what if the little girl gets more and more popular with the board of directors,Read more
There have been several films about toy designers and manufacturers, some more successful than others, but while toy making is not without its charm as a premise it needs an additional escalation of stakes. For example, what if the little girl gets more and more popular with the board of directors, as a result they bring in an army of kids that he must deal with in order to guide the design and manufacture of toys, or worse yet they force him to regularly attend a first grade class in an attempt to help him get into their minds.
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