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When her older sister disappears with a mysterious stranger, a loner teen and her newly sober mother embark on a precarious road trip to find her.
Agreed with a lot of the above. I'll add that it's unclear what their major obstacles are going to be. In other words, two people on a road trip is rather mundane and uneventful, could you give them a ticking time bomb or put them under more pressure? What if the mom or older sister had a conditionRead more
Agreed with a lot of the above.
I’ll add that it’s unclear what their major obstacles are going to be. In other words, two people on a road trip is rather mundane and uneventful, could you give them a ticking time bomb or put them under more pressure? What if the mom or older sister had a condition that needed treatment or if they must do battle with a few dangerous associates of the mysterious stranger.
See lessAn introverted student is infatuated with her flamboyant flatmate, but when fatal ?accidents? befall her flatmate?s lovers, she must clean up not only to keep her flatmate out of trouble, but ultimately to save herself.
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and Richiev. What is it the student wants most of all? Is it to shtup her flatmate, or to save her life? Which of these is her primary goal that drives her throughout the story? Secondly, what specific event starts her off on her journey? In other words, which one of the "...faRead more
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and Richiev.
What is it the student wants most of all? Is it to shtup her flatmate, or to save her life? Which of these is her primary goal that drives her throughout the story?
Secondly, what specific event starts her off on her journey? In other words, which one of the “…fatal accidents…” triggers her to take action and why? This is the inciting incident and needs to be described first.
See lessA Ethical Hacker and his reconciled mother, attempt to muckraking the person behind hackings of his employer
The plot is too vague for this logline to work, here are? a few points that stood out:Not sure making the hacker ethical is necessary - all hackers are ethical in their own minds...Not sure also why the mother is necessary if it's his story.Lastly, I'm not sure what specifically is the hacker's goalRead more
The plot is too vague for this logline to work, here are? a few points that stood out:
Not sure making the hacker ethical is necessary – all hackers are ethical in their own minds…
Not sure also why the mother is necessary if it’s his story.
Lastly, I’m not sure what specifically is the hacker’s goal, as this last one is crucial I suggest making sure the goal is clear first before making any other changes.
See less