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Too much detail that describes too little. I suggest you check out the 'Formula' tab up top for more details on logline conventions, but in the meantime, you don't need to mention character names and should keep it under 30 words. What makes Atlas Crow infamous? Is he a murderous psychopath? A powerRead more
Too much detail that describes too little.
I suggest you check out the ‘Formula’ tab up top for more details on logline conventions, but in the meantime, you don’t need to mention character names and should keep it under 30 words.
What makes Atlas Crow infamous? Is he a murderous psychopath? A power hungry sociopath? An evil sorcerer? Whatever it is about him that makes him the bad guy needs to be specified, instead of the adjective “…infamous…” – adjectives don’t help loglines, details do.
You need to make a choice about the inciting incident, is it the mother being killed or the destruction of his nation – pick one and mention only it.
You made the cardinal logline sin of not specifying the goal – no goal mean no plot, no plot means no story. So what is it that the main character specifically wants? Oust the usurper? Sit on the throne himself? Kill the bad guy? Revenge alone is negative and not enough, your hero needs to be a hero, i.e do something for the greater good not just himself.
You could specify that it’s his mother’s murder that motivated him (making it the inciting incident) to save his nation from being destroyed (goal).
See lessA soldier returns home with a Bronze Star, a Purple Heart, and a desire to become a professional high stakes poker player, believing it is a safer lifestyle. So she thought.
Was there a specific event that made him want to become a poker player? If so, that would make for the inciting incident and needs to be described, if not you need to come up with an event that would logically motivate him to want to play poker. Perhaps he needs a large amount of money for a good caRead more
Was there a specific event that made him want to become a poker player? If so, that would make for the inciting incident and needs to be described, if not you need to come up with an event that would logically motivate him to want to play poker. Perhaps he needs a large amount of money for a good cause and is also a good poker player, now he must become one for the cause, whatever it may be.
See lessA police detective accused of murder must find his biological mother who gave him and his twin brother up for adoption at birth, to find his twin brother, the real murderer, to clear his name.
The wording and sentence structure of the logline make the concept unclear: My try: After a detective is framed for murder, he must find his estranged twin whom he knows is the real killer. 20 words.
The wording and sentence structure of the logline make the concept unclear:
My try:
See lessAfter a detective is framed for murder, he must find his estranged twin whom he knows is the real killer.
20 words.